Reason Enough to Celebrate

To Be Continued...

2008-11-23T14:44:00.001-08:00

I can now be found here:

http://embracingimperfections.wordpress.com

And let me just say, life is definitely... not what I expected.

Epilogue: I've Found My Reason

2008-04-27T18:48:00.000-07:00

Maybe we're not supposed to be happy.
...Maybe happiness is unattainable. Maybe joy and hope are what we need most.

Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy.
...Maybe gratitude should come from the simple reality that we are alive.

Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is.
...Maybe focusing on our own paths, our own goals - without worrying about our critics.

Appreciating small victories.
...Not crying. Finding direction in an unknown neighborhood. Taking that perfect photo.

Admiring the struggle it takes to simply be human.
...Weight loss. Realizing you were wrong. Overcoming the voices in your head.

Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know.
...The closeness of family, waking up in a warm bed, endless laughter on late nights.

And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know.
...Extreme poverty. Disease. Loss of freedom.

At the end of the day, having the courage to still be standing -
Is reason enough to celebrate."
...We all have our reasons. I know I've found mine.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

One year ago today, I ended my first blog entry with, "Maybe I'll even learn to accept (and embrace) the imperfections of my life." Though, I think that instead of accepting, I am simply learning to look past the flaws, the mistakes, the scars. And focus on the actual joy I deeply feel inside, at times I least expect to find it.

As I've said before - I am not where I planned to be. However, it is the unplanned things that bring us the most unexpected of joys. As I look over this past year, I am amazed at the people who have come and gone in my life. The unexpected love, that has changed me the most.

I now look back on this past year and realize it has been the most amazing gift I could have ever received. This year of being in Pittsburgh has allowed me to not only develop close relationships with my cousins in West Virginia and Ohio -- but allowed me the honor of falling deeply in love with their children. In ways I still can't believe are possible.

So I drove down to West Virginia for the day, a fitting end to the past year. I miss those children so much when I'm not around them after a few days. And it has not been easy so far this calendar year to visit them as much as I did last summer and fall. I work too much... working towards a goal of moving.... but I work too much nonetheless.

That goal of moving? Tentatively February 1st, 2009.
New York, New York.
Keep your fingers crossed.

But until that time comes (oh and if it comes, you can be sure there will be another yearly photo blog to document the journey), I will embrace this time I have been given. Because when that time does come to move away, the greatest challenge I'm sure will be saying goodbye to those boys (and that girl.)

At the end of the day - at the end of this year -
They are my reason enough to celebrate.

Final Bow

2008-04-26T17:50:00.000-07:00

So this is it. One year. One year gone before I even realized it was here.

When I think about the fact that I haven't seen Elisa or Kristen or Holly for a year, or that it's been a year since I've felt that insane sense of self that I felt so strongly in Arizona - I am amazed... and scared.

I can't believe how much I miss writing (real writing - writing to inform, writing to persuade, writing to express) and the department I learned so much from. I miss little things about my life from a year ago. I miss Beyond Bread. I miss laughing at the UMart with coworkers (although I have never missed the actual job.) I miss working for the box office on campus and laughing with Marisa & Petra and every other person there. I miss having Anna just a block behind me -- allowing me to go over anytime without hesitation. I remember long lunches on University Blvd with coworkers, and gorgeous backdrops of cacti and the Catalina Mountains. I miss border reporting and feeling challenged by a deadline. Late nights on 4th. Laughing until I can't breathe. Waking up and seeing that endless blue sky. I miss living the dream I had dreamed of for so long.

There are so many things I miss about a year ago. And there are many ways I've changed as well... but I know that you can never go back. Nor should I want to... I just need to hold onto this desire to go forward. Holding onto that desire is key - and learning to be patient is also essential. Perhaps that was the hardest thing to learn this year (and who am I kidding - I'm still learning it.)

As I sat in on our current show playing at the theater (Rabbit Hole), I loved every single moment of it. I loved the relationships and the struggles within them, the humor and the heartache. It was so real in so many ways - how even amongst the most difficult of times, there is still laughter and love. Life doesn't happen the way we expect - but even after the final bow, there is still the echo of applause, the need for more of the same.

But after the show ends, there's always that next performance waiting to be discovered. To see the same show over and over again... no matter how fabulous a production... would serve no purpose. Eventually you would tire of it. Eventually you would want to experience more. Eventually another show must be chosen, another life must be lead. New characters must enter, old favorites must depart.

The only way to truly live, is to bow out with as much grace as possible.
And to constantly be looking towards the next opening night.

The End is Near

2008-04-25T06:40:00.000-07:00

thegreenfairee: um... not a stalker or anything... but in mourning of the end of your blog, i have been re-reading your entries.... also, there is nothing on tv and im not tired, so it was a good fit.

I'm torn between being sad that my blog is almost over (and by sad, I mean disappointed & discouraged that I'm not where I had hoped I'd be one year after graduation) and relieved. I had toyed with the idea of continuing the blog until I realized my dreams and relocated. But that was not the plan and that is not what I feel is best for me.

This blog was to only document a year.
And that year is almost over.

Where did all that time go?

"And who can say what we are?"

2008-04-24T06:41:00.000-07:00

Tonight after a ridiculous day at work (stressing out about this kind of stuff is always tiring - especially when it happens to people you know & adore), Eddie & I went out to see "Smart People." The movie was pretty good in parts, but I mainly liked watching it since it was filmed in Pittsburgh and actually casted two of Ed's best friends as extras.

Later, we headed to S Bar to just hang out, grab a couple drinks & talk. I was defintely right when I realized Ed was one of those people I could learn so much from. I love hearing the way he thinks and sees things, how he lives his life for the ultimate goal of doing what he loves, how he isn't every afraid or awkward in social settings. He's someone I feel genuinely attracted to - not only by the way he looks but because of the person he is no matter who he's with. He's someone I'm developing a friendship with - a friendship that I don't endlessly obsess over when it will expire or when issues will arise. It is what it is, it will last as long as it's going to last. Life is too short -- and the people who do not better you, are only harming you. Thats probably the hardest lesson that I'm learning.

Perhaps what I am gaining the most though from my time with Ed is the connection I feel with him at times, because of the similar ideas we have as far as how we want to grow and change, move & discover things. He makes me want to pack up and move to New York tomorrow, quit the jobs that aren't getting me anywhere career wise and allow myself to do what I want to do so badly.

He is teaching me to live in the moment, savor the day. To allow people to come and go into my life, gaining something from them, and letting them leave when it is their time to bow out.

He is showing me so much more than I ever expected.
And I'm just happy to be along for the ride.

"Pulse is gone and racing –all fits and starts.
Window by window you try and look into,
This brave new you that you are.
And who can say what dreams are?
((Wake me in time to be out in the cold))
And who can say what we are?
This is the reason for dreaming.."
-Spring Awakening

Just Another Day in Mayberry

2008-04-23T19:35:00.000-07:00

Last week, a customer I waited on at the bank somehow got onto the topic of her farm & how much she loves brown eggs. I made the comment that I had never tried them before... and she literally raved about them endlessly. She insisted they were so much better than white eggs and I'd just HAVE to try them. They're unlike anything else, she said.

I kind of forgot about the conversation until she came into the bank today... with a dozen brown eggs she brought from her farm for me to have. I had to promise to eat one tonight so I could tell her about it the next time she came in.

I honestly felt like I was in the real life version of the Andy Griffith Show.

(Btw, the eggs were DELICIOUS!)

Tuesday in the Park

2008-04-22T18:59:00.000-07:00

I went for a walk in South Park with Angela tonight... and I can't even telling you how refreshing & invigorating the walk was. It was 'round 7 or so when we went, just as the sun was starting to go down... and the sense of calmness I felt in that brief hour walk was something that was long overdue. I seriously think that my mood will improve greatly (it already has) with this change in weather. Winter had been far too long, cold and dark... I'm ready for the light in my life again.

At one point, Angela and I were talking about how there are certain people in our life we usually keep in touch with - try to touch base with every now & then to see how they are, tell them how we are, etc. Yet right now we both feel at such a stand still... we almost don't want to reach out, to update those people, to see where they are, because we don't want to admit where we are in our lives right now. Almost like we're hurrying up - trying to get our lives together - so those people don't see how far we've fallen. Expectations are hard to deal with sometimes.

But at least tonight, things felt so much more hopeful than they have in recent months. I really could get used to these amazing walks in the park.

An Unlikely Pair

2008-04-21T18:46:00.000-07:00

Jasmine just can't stay away from Hammy.
And Hammy just can't run away - no matter how fast he tries.

Damn wheel.

Forgetting Kari Sha**er?

2008-04-20T21:08:00.000-07:00

Today I went to lunch & a movie with my cousin Holly. Lunch was better than the movie though... I was not really blown away by "Forgetting Sarah Marshall." I definitely thought the end of the movie was far better than the beginning.

But for me... "40 Year Old Virgin" was a 10, "Knocked Up" a 6.5 and "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" ....let's just say I'd give it a 4 until halfway through, then maybe a 6 for the ending. Still it's always nice to spend time with my cousin, even if it's in a movie we both aren't quite sure of...

Customer Service at It's Best...

2008-04-19T20:56:00.000-07:00

I absolutely adore working with Alex in the Box Office on Saturdays.

Even when she's being a little bit cranky and stressed out... :)
(Eleven hours in a small room will do that to you though.)

White Trash

2008-04-18T20:46:00.000-07:00

Yes, my front, car window refuses to go down anymore.
Yes, the rest of my windows still go down.
Yes, I took my sister out for fast food tonight so she'd dye my hair.
Yes, I refused to do anything but the drive-thru.
Yes, I made her sit in the backseat & order through her (rolled down) window.

Yes, the employee at Taco Bell laughed at us...
But we laughed right back. After all, he's working at Taco Bell.

Maxie

2008-04-17T20:37:00.000-07:00

So tonight I was horrifically bored and lonely once I got home... and I decided there was only one place I wanted to be. Hanging out at Momma Janita's (since I teased Melissa and told her I was coming over just to see her mom because I already knew to assume she was busy with her student teaching... it's taken over her entire existence.)

I can't even really say what we did or talked about over there... but just that I love the comfort and familiarity of it. I know that Zurch will always be sitting on the couch bitching that I didn't bring him anything, Momma Janita will always be trying to feed me or telling me hilarious stories about her kids at school, Melissa will either be stressing out about some random thing or completely bummed out in her pjs, and Matt won't be there because Matt's never there. Oh and the cats. Maxie & Mr. Chloe. They will always have a love/hate relationship with me.

Similar to the love/hate relationship Melissa & Momma Janita have with my blog. Hence why I have to show a picture of Maxie instead of them... Momma Janita doesn't think palm tree pjs are blog appropriate.

Mail Me Away...

2008-04-16T21:20:00.003-07:00

My cousin Kyra's Flat Stanley project is finally done & about to be mailed.

Only I wish I could slip myself into an envelope & mail myself away.
I'm in desperate need of some West Virginia baby time...
Some Arizona sun & friends & Beyond Bread...
Some New York, New York energy...

Flat Stanley

2008-04-15T21:17:00.000-07:00

Today after I got off work, I picked up Matt Adams & we proceeded to head all over Pittsburgh taking pictures with my cousin Kyra's Flat Stanley at various Pittsburgh locations. It was ridiculously fun... especially because today was one of the nicest days we've had so far this spring. The city just looked gorgeous -- and it was a welcome breath of fresh air and happiness after so much sorrow this past weekend.

My favorite part of the whole day though, was when we lost a tin bit of the focus around Flat Stanley and started walking along this walkway that runs beside the Allegheny River, in front of PNC Park and all the way around Heinz Field. On that walkway, you're so close to the water and the trees are blossoming... it honestly was the most calming walk/talk I've had in months. Pittsburgh isn't such a bad city from that walkway.

And Matt Adams isn't such a bad friend either.
In fact, he's a pretty amazing one.

...But Only For Awhile

2008-04-14T19:58:00.000-07:00

Today, I buried my Grandpap Shaffer.

I had tried so hard to think of the perfect way to honor my Pap for the funeral service. I knew I should say something -- that I was the only granddaughter who would say something. Like my cousin Kelli said to me today, "We always count on you to be the outspoken one." But sometimes, I wish I didn't have to be.. because sometimes, even I don't know what to say.

Luckily, the day before my family received an email from our former pastor -- who was transferred out of our church when I was 15. He was the one who held the ceremonies when my Grandma Shaffer passed away in 1996, and he was the last pastor my Pap was ever really familiar with. Right around the time Pastor Ralph left our church, my Pap's hearing and walking were more & more of a problem - so he stopped going to church. It became especially difficult for him to attend one he was placed in assisted living and later... a nursing home.

As I said before I read the email to the crowd of 30-some people gathered for my Pap's funeral, Pastor Ralph's words spoke so perfectly everything my family would want to say to honor our father, our grandfather, our great-grandfather. And so I read... and cried... my way through the email:

"Dear Dorothy... and Paul... and family,

Thank you for thinking of me and sharing the information about Glen's passing.

When I think of Paul's dad, I can't help but to smile. He was a good man, full of faith and care. He had a sense of humor and a devotion to his family. Glen was an example of what God can do... not a star or a planet or an ocean... but a good man. He is the pride and the strength of his family and a blessing to those who knew him. And the good news -- he will be missed! Heaven rejoices. Bernadine is happier to have her husband home. We grieve... but only for awhile.

Please give my love to your family.

Blessings,

Pastor Ralph"

As we later walked away from the grave site, I felt a sense of calmness I had prayed for all weekend. I am thankful that this year has allowed me the opportunity to grow so much closer to my aunts and uncles, cousins and their children. In ways, that closeness prepared me to be able to let go. To be thankful. To know that although my paternal grandparents have both left me... their love lives on in all of us. We have each other. It's been a long road, but we have each other.

“Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves... for growing up.” --The Wonder Years

The Beauty in Heartbreak

2008-04-13T19:49:00.000-07:00

I had forgotten what a roller coaster of emotions it was when you're involved in a funeral viewing. It's such a weird balance of insane socialization and heartbreaking grief. So many people... so many memories. So much family.

My greatest relief of the whole day, was when my cousins and aunts and uncles were all there. Knowing they were close by, having them to hold and to laugh with - was the greatest blanket of comfort I could have ever asked for. Plus, the babies were there.

And we all know they are my greatest joy.

Buckle Up, It's Gonna Be a Long Day

2008-04-12T19:30:00.000-07:00

Today I had a billion things to do.

I went to work at the theater for a bit, but they let me leave because there was just... so much I needed to get done today before the funeral viewing tomorrow. I ended up spending half of my life at Wal-Mart, with all the copying, editing & printing of photos I needed to get done. The cousins wanted me to make a collage to display at the funeral home, plus there were a few pictures I wanted enlarged and framed... And there were millions of people at the Wal-Mart Photo Center. Of course. OF COURSE.

You know, there should be a separate line you can wait in if you've just had a relative die and a photo college project dumped on top of you last minute. Just sayin'...

By the way, I was supposed to take a million pictures this weekend for that Flat Stanley project my Cleveland cousin's class is doing. Have I yet to take any? No. Did my Grandpap happen to die the weekend I was planning on taking all of those pictures? Yes. Am I screwed? Somewhat.

Nonetheless, he spent the day riding around the car with me, dressed in the Steelers outfit my mom's coworker made for him. Heh. Heh. I can't wait to send him back to Cleveland.

Check Lists

2008-04-11T19:15:00.000-07:00

List One: The Bad
Miserable day at work (Yes, I went): Check
Completely exhausted/Emotionally drained: Check
Horrifically Unlucky Funeral Dress Shopping Experience: Check

List Two: The Good
Amazing friends who... shop with me: Check
Keep their shop open late to cut my hair: Check
And cheer me up in general: Check

At least life evens itself out some.

The Dark I Know Well

2008-04-10T18:04:00.000-07:00

Today we were audited at our branch, which was terrible and stressful and too much to deal with at times. All of the endless questions, the watching of every move we made. Our manager was stressed to the max, we were stressed to the max. It was just... insane. Honestly, the longest day of my entire life.

By the time I got off of work and got into the tanning bed at the salon, I fell asleep right away. I was just exhausted and couldn't even fathom the idea of doing anything else. I just wanted to go home. Needed to go home. I had planned on visiting my Pap after tanning, but I knew I'd be free tomorrow. I just needed to go to bed.

I went home and found out my Dad was at the nursing home, because Pap wasn't doing too well. My dad got home around 8:30. My sister has stopped by to visit Pap too and she left a little bit after my Dad....

At 8:45, the nursing home staff called to tell us he was gone.

Priceless Time

2008-04-09T17:41:00.000-07:00

My great aunt & uncle arrived today, after having had my Grandma with them for the past two weeks in Philadelphia. I absolutely, head over heels adore my Aunt Jane and Uncle Jack -- as I've made quite clear in the past.

Every single time I hug my Uncle Jack for the first time, after having not seen him for awhile, I can't help but wonder how many hugs I have left. I know thats morbid - and sad - but I always hold him a little bit longer, a little bit closer and try to soak in every single moment.

It's like I'm trying to hold onto my Pap (his brother, who died in 03) even though I know I no longer can. Especially with seeing how sick my other Pap has gotten, I'm more aware now of the passage of time than I ever have been before. And Jane & Jack I see once, maybe twice a year if I'm lucky. So time just flies...

Spring Has Awakened!

2008-04-08T17:33:00.000-07:00

Hello, Spring! You finally (feel like you) are here!

Today was the first day the grass looked green enough to lay down on... and the feeling I got was utter bliss. I went for an hour walk with the dog. I soaked in the air and the sun around me. I just enjoyed the feeling of knowing that the months ahead of me will be longer instead of shorter, warmer instead of colder.

Because with spring, comes summer.
And out of the darkness I go...

Broken & Fixed (Kinda)

2008-04-07T17:19:00.000-07:00

So out of nowhere, my glasses broke.

Which made me ridiculously sad because I love my glasses.
And I didn't really have the money to get new ones.

But the place I had bought them ~1.5 years ago, fixed them for free.

I just wish it was as easy to fix other things in life.

Introducing... Hammy

2008-04-06T17:17:00.000-07:00

My sister bought a hampster.
And then she named him Hammy.
Ba-da-dum.

G-LOVE!

2008-04-05T17:04:00.000-07:00

There's nothing better than some G-Love when things in the family are shaky.

My aunt came into town tonight to see Pap since he was so bad. After she spent most of the day with him, we went to dinner with my Mom and then went to the mall for a quick bathing suit session for G-love. It went very well for her... not so well for me.

I know I'm 23, but having my aunt around definitely made me feel safer, more comforted, after being so emotionally shaken from seeing my Pap.

But I Didn't Cry

2008-04-04T17:50:00.000-07:00

I really haven’t blogged about it… but my Pap has been really bad. In and out of the hospital bad. Declining bad. He’s back in the nursing home now… but it’s not necessarily a good sign. I didn’t see him when he was in the hospital… probably because I was trying to avoid reality. Probably because I was too scared and really didn’t want to admit it. Probably because I didn’t feel like dealing with it, which is terrible but true. I was afraid to feel that sadness again.

But finally after work tonight, I went to visit him. On my way over, I was torn between thinking it wasn't that big of a deal, he is going to be 95 after all... etc etc... and then being scared of seeing him that bad. Yet when I walked into his room and saw him in the bed…. it just hit me so hard. Blew me away. Shocked me, when I saw how bad he had gotten. He just looks... terrible. And 95. And he has never looked as old as he did right then. He's so skinny, so confused, so... I don't know. It's just heartbreaking. He’s actually (almost) 95.... wow.

He's in a hospital-style bed, hooked up to an IV. He can't really talk; his speech has been screwed up for years but it was especially bad tonight. He kept trying to ask me for things and I had no idea what he was asking for. And with each guess I gave ("Do you want more water? A blanket? The TV on? A nurse? Do you need to sit up? Are you too hot?") -- each response from him was "No!" or a sigh or a frustrated look. It was so terrible and so heartbreaking. The entire time I was there, I was on the verge of tears, ready to burst... and I fought so hard to hold it in. I didn't want to suddenly burst into hysterical crying, because what does that help? What does that do? It's basically me screaming, "Oh my god you're dying!" at him. Which is not helpful to either of us.

I was convinced as soon as I got in the car that I'd start crying right away. I was almost rushing to get outside - after holding it in for an hour and twenty minutes as I visited with him, mostly in silence as he slipped in and out of awareness.

But I didn't cry.

April Fool's? Two Days Late?

2008-04-03T17:47:00.000-07:00

....This has got to be a joke, right?

City Love

2008-04-02T17:39:00.000-07:00

I know it's silly, but sometimes when I'm walking home from the theater at night,
I try to pretend I'm really in New York.
And I continue to hold my breath and hope.

No Time for Joking

2008-04-01T17:31:00.000-07:00

Today was pretty busy. The days are flying by. April already?

Plus, I have this project I have to work on for my cousin in Cleveland. It's based off the children's story about Flat Stanley, a boy who is squished by a bookshelf (or something) and then mailed around the world by his parents because it's cheaper than an airplane ticket?

Well they mailed him to me because apparently I'm "way more creative" than anyone else they know. I guess they were going to mail it to either their friends in Puerto Rico or me... in Pittsburgh. And I'm still trying to figure out why. Haha! PUERTO RICO?!

Too bad that even though I'm really creative - I'm incredibly unmotivated.

I NEED to start working on Stanley. ASAP.

The More Things Change, the More They Don't..

2008-03-31T13:29:00.000-07:00

I hung out with Angela, her mom and her daugher Haley again tonight. We're thinking its going to become a Monday ritual... which would be more than okay with me. Haley and I are pretty much best friends already and I look forward to seeing her just as much as her mom.

It's funny, when Angela and I are hanging out I feel like almost no time has passed. Her parents look and sound the same, Angela and I get along just as well as we used to and it's so familiar it's almost scary.

Sometimes I even forget we're not in middle school anymore.

Oh DEER.

2008-03-30T13:25:00.000-07:00

Today was absolute perfection. I went to church with Cousin Holly, grabbed lunch with her, went shopping at Kohls for photo albums, went tanning, napped and just... relaxed. It was such a fantastic day and I was in the best mood ever.

On the way home though, I almost hit an entire parade of deer running across the road. I stopped in time though and was amazed to see six of them all gathered together.

Had I hit even one of them, my day would definitely not have been bad.

When Friendships > God

2008-03-29T21:41:00.000-07:00

For a good time, call Matt Adams.

He'll even stop his Grandma from going to church so he can pick you up from work downtown, go to dinner with you in the Southside at Piper's Pub (which was DELICIOUS), and then sit through the Ryan Phillippe-filled movie Stop-Loss. (Which was not AS good as I thought it would be - but still really, really good. Just hard to watch... so heartbreaking at times. So real. So current. I'd recommend it to anyone who needs to see the war through fresh eyes.)

But yes kids, Matt Adams kept Grandma from God in order for us to hang out.
Now that's a damn good friend. Fabulous night, as always.*

*In no way does my use of the word "fabulous" mean to imply that Matt Adams is anything but a 100%, heterosexual, emo-lovin' kid. He just happens to love FABULOUS girls....

Caving

2008-03-28T21:35:00.000-07:00

Today, I caved and did something I swore up & down I'd never do.

I went tanning... & to do it, I had to pay to use a tanning bed.

It's really something I'm not a huge fan of but I can't stand how BLAH I've been feeling recently. I'm going to try working out more (Right Annalisa?!), I've been TRYING to eat SOMEWHAT better, and I want my healthy-looking tan back. I want to feel the way I felt when I left Arizona... healthy, alive and happy.

Maybe if I keep working on the physical - the internal will follow.

But the Choosing Was Not

2008-03-27T21:11:00.000-07:00

Tonight, I hung out with Matt who was home in the Valley for once. We went to Eat N Park and then I drove him back to Oakland... where he hides out most of the year. But it was nice to catch up, even if the visit was brief (....he was only home for the funeral viewing of his godfather.)

I kept trying to take his picture, but although Matt is a die hard fan of the blog (I love the angry 'Update your blog!' text messages he sends me).... he does not like being featured IN the blog. Lucky for him though...

I've 90% decided on the fact that the blog is going to end a month from today.
It's been 11 months since I started it and really... it's exhausting.

This blog has not ended up where I planned it would go... then again, life never goes as you plan. I never expected to still be in Pittsburgh by this point. Then again, I never expected to become so close to my cousins and their children. Be they in West Virginia, Ohio or South Park. Even in areas of dark disappointment, there are rays of sunshine to help you through. And boy - are those boys (and girl) my rays of sunshine.

I'm still planning on moving... at least, that's the intended destination. So my photo blogging will probably go on hiatus until I actually have definite plans of moving. Right now, I'm hoping to have my credit cards paid off 100% by October at the latest. Then after that... definite plans of saving and moving. Because the longer I stay here, the more I realize I'm meant to wander. I'm still on the path of discovering myself... I'm just taking detours I never expected. And even though I feel lost at times, I know I'm still on my way to something more.

Stop worrying where you're going - move on
If you can know where you're going, you've gone
Just keep moving on
I chose and my world was shaking, so what?
The choice may have been mistaken
The choosing was not
You have to move on...

Babies, Babies Everywhere...

2008-03-26T20:41:00.000-07:00

Speaking of babies, even though I have yet to meet him, Gianni Joseph Capane, made his debut March 19th at 1:10 a.m. weighing in at 8 pounds, 3 ounces and 21 inches long.

I won't lie - I kinda feel sad that I'm not working with all of my coworkers who know Rachael and anticipated this baby boy.... but I'm hoping I get to see her (and meet him!) soon enough. But this pix message I received from her today definitely put a smile on my face.

As did a few others things, but those are hardly blog worthy.... :)

Mac-Ho 2.0

2008-03-25T20:30:00.000-07:00

This is the official blog debut of Mac-Ho 2.0
Coming to you in October.

Tonight, I went shopping with Lauren Mac-Ho, who is obviously bursting with baby. I know it feels like they just got married yesterday (was summer really that long ago?) but she's well on her way to being a loud-mouth, sassy mother just like her own.

We had a really fantastic time tonight... buying panties (American Eagle, Victoria's Secret) and purses (New York & Co) and a couple articles of clothing. I needed stuff for work and when I saw a $10 top I loved at Old Navy and $10 pants at New York & Co to match... I couldn't pass it up. I haven't been shopping in forever.

Plus, Lauren's a good shopping partner.
Even when pregnant, she never loses her sense of style.

Reunited & It Feels So Good

2008-03-24T21:48:00.000-07:00

Tonight, I spent time with one of my best friends from middle school, Angela.

I really haven't seen Angela much since August, when I accidently ran into her at Blockbuster. But before that - it has been years since I've seen her, let alone spent time with her. So after texting back and forth for a couple weeks, we made some plans -- just to find time to catch up, you know?

So I hung out with her mom and her daughter, Hailey, who I instantly fell in love with. Hailey and I... were BFFs at first sight. That's the only way to explain it. Then again, most three year olds tend to think I'm the coolest thing next to sliced bread... until they grow up and realize I'm not.

I really should just hang out with the under-4 crowd until I raise my self esteem more. Or at least Hailey and Angela, because I felt pretty good tonight when I was with them. :)

Anything-But-Typical Easter

2008-03-23T21:32:00.000-07:00

So my Easter was not the typical Easter, but I feel blessed nonetheless.

1) For the first time in my life, I skipped church on Easter Sunday. And yes, I felt bad about it - but not nearly as bad as I expected to feel. I really needed the sleep though - with working pretty much nonstop, I'm starting to get a little drained. I mean, even my day off last weekend was exhausting since I drove down to West Virginia for Gage's birthday. And I worked both days this weekend. So I saw my chance for sleep... and I took it. Sorry, Jesus.

2) I worked 11:30-7:30 today downtown at the theater. Jerome, Alex & I were a little bummed about working on Easter Sunday, but it couldn't have been more fun. We had a mini-potluck dinner and Alex even made Easter baskets out of 6-packs for Jerome & myself! She filled the holes with candy and candles, hit the boxes in the box office, and told us to look for them when we got to work. How cute is that?! Honestly, I am loving my box office job... and the staff I'm getting to know and love there.

3) After work, I drove over to Momma Janita's to hang out with Momma, Melissa & Zurch. Momma Janita (being the amazing woman she is) prepared their leftovers for me to eat... so I was lucky enough to have a real dinner too even though my parents were out of town. :) And it was ridiculously delicious. Nothing beats homemade pierogies, ham, macaroni salad, apple sauce, greenbeans & mushrooms, and baked mac & cheese. Nothing. Except quality time at the Zurenski household...

McFall Madness

2008-03-22T21:12:00.000-07:00

Who needs March Madness when Miles is back in town?

Tonight was the only night I was going to be able to see Miles, while he was home for Easter weekend, but it was a night I definitely needed. We just went down to Eat N Park as usual and sat there for three hours, laughing and bitching. Bitching and laughing. Which is usually how it goes when Miles and I are together.

I really wanted to post a list of all the funny things we talked about, but really - the whole night blends together into one night of just... laughing. I vaguely remember him joking/talking about getting a job at Petco after he graduates. And me saying that when you show your ID to the bartender, he should immediately ask for your cellphone to keep you from drunk texting. I realize those two statements are completely unrelated, but thats also why our conversations are so fun.

Oh and this is a photo of him taking a shot of iced tea. Because our waitress brought us out a glass and an extra... cuplette... of iced tea. For no apparent reason.

Miles, graduate and move back to Pittsburgh already. Petco's waiting.

Unreal Naked

2008-03-21T21:10:00.001-07:00

Tonight my friend (formally referred to as "Lauren Danek" -- who will now be referred to as "Unreal Naked" since thats what her name basically is if you jumble the letters up a bit) had about 6 of us over to her house for a small potluck & game night. Plus, it was also the night for me to finally be introduced to her boyfriend of two and a half years, Jeff.

I'm going to be the flower girl in their wedding someday, so we figured it would be a nice night to announce it to him. He took it pretty well. As he should. I'd make one kickass flower girl, even at 23 years old.

Here Comes the Sun

2008-03-20T21:09:00.000-07:00

Hello, Spring! It took you long enough to get here.
Winter was far, far too cold and lonely.

The First Time I Kissed You, I Lost My Legs...

2008-03-19T21:08:00.000-07:00

Tonight I had a really, really, really good date. Really good date.

As much as I despise dating in general - the different guys I've come to know this year have really taught me a lot about myself and what I might want out of a partner someday. (Aka - they've taught me what I DON'T want... haha.) I still can't imagine myself getting so lost in someone that I lose sight of who I am as a person, nor do I ever want to put my goals and my dreams aside so that I can be in a relationship. I don't see why you can't have it all - but if I have to choose, part of me still prides myself on the fact that I think I'd still choose dreams and goals and myself. I want to grow and change, yes, but I want to hold onto me. Because no matter who comes and goes, I'm stuck with myself. So I better treat myself okay.

I don't know. Maybe that's bitchy. At least, it comes off a lot more selfish than I mean it... but what I liked about getting to know Ed tonight, was that I saw so much of my same ideals & beliefs in him as well. Yet he's not afraid to have fun, not afraid to be close, not afraid to speak his mind. Not afraid to dream.

Plus the fact that he was tricked into buying me a rose by some bum off the street made the night more eventful as well. It was quite the evening, that's for sure.

But whatever happens, happens. I do 100% believe though that at least tonight I had the opportunity to meet an incredible individual. Someone who, I can already tell, has so much to teach me.

Josephine Brown

2008-03-18T21:08:00.000-07:00

So the branch I've been working at has been working out pretty okay so far. Like I've said before -- it's literally five minutes from my house, which helps with gas, and the ladies I work with are nice to me. Since it's a smaller branch, I'm getting to know some of the customers a lot better than I was when I was a pool teller which makes it easier on me.

Plus, I get some pretty awesome stories from the branch. Like my favorite customer -- Josephine Brown -- who talked to me for 20 minutes one day all excited about her Easter trip to New York City to see her grandson, and who just raved about her trip to Ireland her daughter took her on last year. On and on and on she went - about these great trips her daughter gives her as a Christmas gift every year. When I commented on how nice her daughter must be to give her such nice trips as a present, she inched closer to me and said, "And every year she also gives me a check for a THOUSAND dolalrs! ....And NOTHING says 'Merry Christmas!' like a THOUSAND DOLLARS!" ...Honestly, she made my day. Haha

Then there are other not-so-favorite-customers. Like the fat guy (excuse me... disabled guy) who called me a "F*cking c*nt" because I wouldn't cash his check without ID. It's not my fault that he's a) not a customer, b) forgot his ID in the car, c) never comes into our branch, therefore I didn't recongize him and d) that he was so lazy that he refused to go back to the car for the ID.

But overall there tend to be more Josephine Browns than "F*cking-c*nt-callers" so I guess I can't complain. :)

A Conversation with Lauren Danek

2008-03-17T21:03:00.001-07:00

Tonight after work (and a nap!) I met up with Lauren Danek at Eat N Park, who is home on her spring break from law school at Ohio State. I just adore Lauren Danek sometimes... the way she tells stories just cracks me up. Especially when it's so easy to relate to her. And especially when she uses her hands to reenact a conversation/heavy discussion with her boyfriend, Jeff.

LD: It's one of those times when you can just see yourself outside of your own conversation being overdramatic and ridiculous and you just want to yell to yourself, "SHUT UP! Stop talking! Just stop!" But you can't. You just can't. You just keep going. It just keeps coming pouring out of you, no matter how ridiculous you realize you're being.

Later on Melissa joined us and we just sat there chatting, talking to our favorite waitress Kathy, and coloring Easter pictures they pass out to the kids at Eat N P. I can hardly believe it's almost Easter... and I can hardly believe I'm working all weekend either.

Beautiful Disaster

2008-03-16T20:47:00.000-07:00

Rory is getting a little tired of being featured in the blog.
But since I just LOVE featuring him in my LIFE...
In the blog he shall stay. :) Haha!

Honestly though, I can't imagine him moving away from Pittsburgh.
It breaks my heart. And he thinks I'm kidding when I tell him that.

"He's magic and myth - as strong as what I believe.
A tragedy with more damage than a soul should see.
And do I try to change him? So hard not to blame him.
Hold on tight.... baby, hold on tight.
Oh and I don't know - I don't know what he's after.
But he's so beautiful - such a beautiful disaster.
And if I could hold on, through the tears & the laughter,
Would it be beautiful? Or just a beautiful disaster."
--Kelly Clarkson

Thomas the Tank Enginge Burger King Birthday Bash

2008-03-15T20:18:00.001-07:00

As exhausted as I was, as much as I wanted to sleep all day and forget the world, as much as I couldn't fathom getting behind the wheel at 9 a.m. and driving to West Virginia with my Great Aunt Betty.... I am so glad I went down to be there for the afternoon...

And that I was present for Gage Michael's Thomas the Tank Engine Burger King Birthday Bash. Besides, you only turn three once and since I met him the night he was born -- it's only fair that I get some cake out of the deal. ;) Especially when it's Thomas the Tank Engine cake.

It was just so, so good to see the kids - who I surprisingly haven't seen in two months. That's the longest I've gone without seeing them since the beginning of summer and I'm shocked at how quickly time has slipped away from me. But with the second job, traveling to Ohio for Presidents Day Weekend and other things going on - I just didn't have the chance to go down. But with the weather changing, that needs to change because I completely ached when I saw how big they have gotten without me. And when I swooped Gage up in a hug when I saw him, he completely melted my heart.

Me: Gage I missed you.
Gage: (kisses me on lips) Oh I missed you sooo much Cuzin Kahwee!

I couldn't get enough of Laken, Liam and Quinton either. I kept grabbing Baby Liam every single time he walked/ran/waddled past me, tickling Laken the second he wasn't smiling and hugging Quinton every time he glanced at me. I dreaded the end of the party... but sadly, all parties end.

Right before it did though, I took some time to lay down on the floor next to Gage (right there in Burger King!) and let him show me some of his new Thomas toys he had gotten for his brithday.

Matt's Friend Across Room: (as he was leaving) Hey Gage can you come...
Gage: (Yells) WAAAAAAAAAAIT! I'M PLAYING WITH KAHWEE HOLD ON!

By this point in my life though, I'm pretty much convinced I'll never find anyone I love as much as I love this little boy (and his equally loveable cousins.) I just can't imagine it's possible.

As I was getting ready to leave, they were all getting in the car to go get their pictures taken with the Easter Bunny after the party. But Betty and I were heading home so I couldn't go with them. Had I been by myself, I would have gone with them and just gotten home later -- but since Betty was with me I figured we needed to head home. So home we went...

Though my heart is still definitely in West Virginia.

Long Days Should End with Beer

2008-03-14T20:23:00.000-07:00

I worked from 8 til 6 today, attended a church/speaker thing ("A Night of Hope" with Joel Osteen) downtown with my parents at Mellon Arena from 7:30-10:30 and then headed out to the bar for a couple hours for my last night with La.

We took our friend from high school, Kevin, around to see a couple bars in the area we hang out at on occassion, since he's never been. It was a fun night out (as usual) but I was so overly exhausted from my late nights this week, issues at work and over-socialization that I kept dreaming of hitting my pillow... hard.

This picture definitely makes me giggle though.

S'mores = Love

2008-03-13T20:23:00.000-07:00

La, Dana & I just hung out at her house tonight, roasting marshmellows, making s'mores, eating mini-weenies, talking, laughing, watching Princess Diaries 2, playing Wii and enjoying just hanging out.

Nights like tonight don't make my feel very adult (in fact, its quite the flashback to high school days) but they do make me ridiculously happy.

Which is what I need during such a transitional time in my life.

When Two Worlds Collide

2008-03-12T20:26:00.000-07:00

Let's sum up my day, shall we?

I was called a "fucking cunt" before 9:30 a.m. this morning by a bank customer, completely screwed up when I was working the night show downtown at the theater (RIGHT before the show started, with a big subscriber and in FRONT of the Artistic Director...) & then I left my parking ticket behind in the machine when I was paying to leave the downtown garage. AHHHH.

But I made it to Mt. Washington for La's first experience at Redbeards.

We met up with Rory, his friend Jenya and his other friend Eric... to enjoy a buttload of wings, AMAZING PROVOLONE LOGS & drinks. We had a pretty good time (who doesn't have a good time when wings are involved?) and I think Rory truly began to understand why I am the way I am... because of friends like La. I REALLY wish they had had their wing-off, but they both refused to attempt 75 wings each. Which was a huge disappointment.

I ended my day with a smile on my face though, so I broke even.
...Despite the start to my day. lol

Bullshit Blog #2*

2008-03-11T20:19:00.000-07:00

Oh what? 8:17? Really?
Guess I'll end up being early for work today.

I have to admit, living five minutes away from work is kickass.

*Definitely, definitely unexpected surprise to my week. Who knows what will come of it, if anything, but for now it's a nice little bit of sunshine in my sometimes overly cloudy life.

A Bullshit Blog

2008-03-10T20:16:00.000-07:00

When I don't really want to blog about a particular day or event or person
...I make up a bs post about something else I did during my day.

I'm being trained to take care of the ATM at work. It's annoying & boring but I'd rather learn how to do it so that Karen doesn't have to do it anymore... because she loathes doing it. Which means I'll probably loathe doing it, but I'm more flexible.

But learning the ATM was definitely not the highlight of my day.
Something/someone else completely unexpected was...

Where Mah Girl's At

2008-03-09T20:24:00.000-07:00

Yes. It's true. She's back. And just as amazing as ever.

I finally got the chance to see LaLa tonight, after two failed attempts. The weather was too bad for us to hang out last night, but tonight more than made up for it when we went to Eat N Park and had an exceptionally satisfying experience. It's Ginormous, after all. And though you can't see it in the picture... La is definitely pointing to where it says "actual size." Oh La. How my blog has missed you.

Although our favorite waitress wasn't there... we were quite enchanted with another waitress we hadn't had before. Who ended up being our favorite waitress' cousin. Who loves & has been to Tucson. WHO HAS BEEN TO THE MEET RACK. I mean... the night was just one ridiculous discovery after another. Then we realized she was the mother of one of the girls we had been in choir with in high school... and Lauren and I just couldn't stop laughing.

I knew right then that this week was going to be ridiculously crazy.... but insanely fun.

Workaholic? Without the...work?

2008-03-08T20:25:00.000-08:00

So I definitely can't complain that much. I love my Box Job at the theater.
This would be Alex. Playing games while working before the show.
But it was so ridiculously slow today that we were almost bored to tears...

Extreme Disappointment

2008-03-07T20:19:00.000-08:00

So this is what tired looks like.
This is also what extreme disappointment looks like as well.

Although I had planned on seeing LaLa tonight, she was getting into town much later than expected, the roads aren't that great and I have to work early tomorrow. Life suckssssss. It needs to be filled with more LALA.

Soccer Mom Jenn

2008-03-05T20:55:00.000-08:00

Tonight, after probably a year of not seeing her, I met up with one of my old coworkers from the Waterfront, Old Navy Jenn for drinks & dinner. It was so, so, so good to see her. I really do miss my friends I had when I worked at Old Navy and even though pretty much all of us have moved on to other jobs I still genuinely long for how well we all got along. Tonight was perhaps the best hour and a half of my week... and its an hour & a half I hope we can repeat MUCH more frequently, since I miss having her in my life. God, does she make me laugh.

We always teased Jenn and called her "Soccer Mom Jenn" - she has three kids, drives a big white van but hardly acts like a mom at all. She's recently divorced too - and she had some great dating stories for me over dinner. Though when it came to taking a photo for the blog, of course none of that "coolness" came across in the photo.

Instead, this picture just looks like it should be captioned...

(In a very stern/annoyed Mom voice:)
"Kari Anne stop embarrassing me! Put that down!"

:) Better photo next time, Soccer Mom. Promise.

Idolized

2008-03-04T20:45:00.000-08:00

After taking last year off, I've become addicted to American Idol again.
(Basically what brought me back was the writers strike & lack of new shows.)

The guys are particularly AWESOME this season. Though overall, I'm generally lovin' David Castro (pictured), Syesha Mercado, Asia'h Epperson, Michael Johns & David Cook.

I'm picking David Archuleta as this season's American Idol though.
LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE! That boy.

Monday Madness

2008-03-03T20:36:00.000-08:00

We have a tiny parking lot at the branch I work at.... TINY.
It's even smaller when there's a huge crane parked in it all day.

Really, HOW long does it take to change parking signs?
Surely not 8 hours.

And I doubt all the noise they made was really necessary either.

Locked Out

2008-03-02T19:42:00.000-08:00

....If last night's commute home wasn't enough, I got into Pittsburgh early (hit EVERY single green light possible) and was outside the Box Office around 9:15, which was 15 minutes earlier than I was scheduled. I knew I'd be the first one there, since Alex tends to be late so I went to punch in my code -- and it didn't work. And didn't work. And didn't work. I punched in my code AND my boss' code (just in case) and neither worked.

And Alex didn't show up - and didn't show up - and didn't show up. She also works late at a bar some nights, so that's why she's usually running late. I doubt I'd want to get to bed at 3 or 4 a.m. and be at the box office by 9:30.

Finally - RIGHT before ten (when we're supposed to open) Alex showed up. We called our boss and tried and tried and tried.... we fought with the keys we had, to see if we could get one to work and finally we were able to get one to work that didn't work the first time, so we got in. But I was FREEEEEEEEEEZING after being outside for 45 minutes. FREEZING. Luckily, it wasn't raining today. And since I drove downtown today (I wasn't trusting the T!) I figured at least I knew when I left work at the end of the day... I'd actually get to leave right away.

A 3 Hour Life Lesson

2008-03-01T19:16:00.000-08:00

My commute home tonight was just... ridiculous.

To make a long story short, I got off work at the Box Office (early!) and headed to the T. I figured I must have JUST missed my train, because it didn't come & so I settled in to wait another half hour for the next one. The other trains came and went... came and went... and eventually I had waited (with a few other people) for an HOUR with no L train.

That's when we realized no other trains were coming either.
Finally, after an hour of twenty minutes of waiting - alarms started going off in the tunnel and police filed down the stairs. We were told the lines were shutting down & we should just go "catch a bus." WHICH of course, is impossible for me. So even though my parents thought I had left almost an hour and a half ago... I had to call my dad and ask him to come downtown to pick me up. It took him an hour to get down there to get me (he HAD to take the "back way to avoid traffic. Uh huh.) and then 45 minutes for us to get back to my car at the T parking lot.

So by the time I got home.... I had been trying to get home for over three hours. While waiting though I had... quite the encounter.

This crazy man came up to me and started talking while I was waiting... it was one of those conversations you have because you know you JUST can't get out of them. I honestly thought he was a crazy, drunk, homeless man. He reeked of alcohol (brandy, he told me) and rambled on and on about so many things. He said he hasn't been on vacation in over 30 years. I asked him where the last place he traveled was and he told me he honestly can't even remember. I told him maybe it was time to take one - even a small one - and he waved his hand at me and told me he'd rather "give back to the North Side." Then he started telling me how he had these gardens and art all over that area; that's where his money goes. Dave Matthews Band even stopped in to visit him one time. On and on he rambled... then, before he hopped on his train he shook my hand and told me to look him up online. "Randyland in Pittsburgh" he kept saying.

Yeah, sure buddy. Whatever. Dave & Co stop by to visit me all the time too - when Madonna isn't over for lunch, that is.

....Well apparently he wasn't just a drunk idiot - I'm the idiot. I had never even HEARD of Randyland. But here it is... right before my internet stalking eyes. Completely, 100% legit. And that's him in the photos.

Also, from another online article/interview with him:

"Randyland" is filled with sculptures, plants, and 40-foot-high murals you've painted with clouds and castles. How do people react to it? Thousands of people come from all around the world to the [nearby] Mattress Factory [art gallery]. The Dave Matthews Band came by about two months ago. They jumped out of the van and took pictures. Mayor Murphy was jogging by one day. I said, "You want to see my alligators?" He said, "Randy, you're not allowed to have alligators in the city." I said, "You want to see them?" He's in his Spandex or whatever. So I showed him Randyland, and after he saw the cement alligators he laughed.

Who would have imagined that for once - the crazy, drunk guy at the T station wasn't homeless but in fact... this artist. Who actually PRODUCES something for the community? So while it took me over three hours to get home tonight... I really did learn you can't judge a book by it's cover - even if it reeks of booze.

Happy Leap Day

2008-02-29T19:13:00.000-08:00

Happy Leap Year. Extra day, extra nap.
Have I mentioned I nap at work on my lunch break?
....Every single day. I eat in 15 minutes & nap for 30.
It's just so warm in the break room... so quiet.

This month flew by... and dragged by at the exact same time.

"Can I Help You Over Here?"

2008-02-28T18:26:00.000-08:00

At the branch I'm working at - there are definitely a handful of crazies that come in on a regular basis. There's a definite... type of customer I'm having to adjust to dealing with day in and day out. Usually they're old. They've banked at this branch for a bazillion years. I have to repeat myself a million times. They think "big bills" are 10s and 20s, not 50s and 100s. They come in a couple times a week... sometimes a couple times a day. Just because they are walkin' around town and have nothing else to do.

Then there's Nancy Adams.
Matt Adams' grandma.
She's an exceptional woman ....and customer.

I took this picture of her to pix message to Matt, since I figured it would put a smile on his face. Apparently Nancy (who I've known since I was a little girl in Sunday School -- she went to the same church as my family) was quite worried about where this photo was going. She called Matt's house later to ask.

Matt: (to his dad, who was on the phone with Nancy when she called to see where the photo went) Tell her it's for her myspace. We needed a new profile picture.

quarterlife = my life

2008-02-27T18:24:00.000-08:00

"Its like... just admitting you want something is the kiss of death. Cause then you have to realize how complicated the world is and how hard it is to get that thing that you want. I mean, so many of my friends pretend they don't want anything - just so they don't have to face that." -quarterlife

The Day I Spent a Billion Dollars

2008-02-26T18:41:00.000-08:00

Today, on Matt & Kari Day, I spent a billion dollars.
But I had a blast, so it was worth every single cent.

We started off the day heading to Advanced Auto Parts to buy new windshield wipers for my car. My dad had said I'd probably spend around $15, and when the guy asked me which brand I wanted, I picked the ones that were $17.99. However, I'm a complete idiot and didn't realize that meant each. So right off the bat, just to get windshield wipers, my total was $42. But now that I'm rollin' around with the Cadillac of windshield wipers, it can rain and snow all it wants since mine actually work now.

After that exciting trip... Matt and I went down to the Carnegie Science Center, to see BODIES: THE EXHIBITION, which I had seen in Chicago last year with Kristen. But Matt had never seen it and plus, I was kind of in the mood to see it again, so we headed down. It's amazing to see everything in that exhibit and to believe that its all inside of us. It was also really interesting to look at the exhibit after all the controversy that's come out recently. It really made me look at the faces of the bodies we were looking and and really wonder who that person was and how they ended up here.

Matt: Yeah, I'm an organ donor so...
Me: But THIS was NOT what I had in mind when I told the DMV they could put that on my license. I meant like... give my organs to a 16 year old leukemia patient or...something.

After that, we ended up passing the Andy Warhol Museum and stopping there, because I really wanted Matt to see the Ron Mueck exhibit I saw with Anna and Rob last month. He thought it was really cool (which, how could you not?) so it was worth the money to get back in again. And I was just as impressed as I was the first time.

We battled the rush hour traffic and decided to grab Chinese food at Old Town Buffet. My favorite part of dinner though, was after we had spent all this time talking about our lives and how confusing they are... and then when we went to open our fortune cookies, Matt's cookie was empty.

Matt: Oh GOD. What does this mean?
Me: Google it!!
Matt: (googling it from his phone) 'I think it means something bad -Frankie' Gee, thanks Frankie from Yahoo Answers. I like 'You create your own future' or 'The future is in your hands' better.

Then of course... no trip would be complete without shopping at Target. Gage's birthday is coming up in a couple weeks and one of the things I have been wanting to pick up for him was this Thomas pillow, since he is obsessed with Thomas the Tank Engine. I also have a couple other Thomas things I've purchased and (plan to purchase) but I'm almost done. Can't spend a billion dollars on the boy, especially since I don't really have a billion to spend.

Though apparently I did today.

Grandparents

2008-02-25T18:26:00.000-08:00

A book my mom recently bought.

My Dad's Dad is nearing 95 and my Mom's Mom is 86. Pap recently (we think) had a mini-stroke and hasn't been doing too fantastic. He's not bad, but he's getting older and it's hard to really think of what 95 means. (Okay, we KNOW what it means - it means he's 95 and it's not like we have an endless amount of time with him left, even under the best of circumstances. Then again, we thought he'd die a decade ago, shortly after my Grandma Shaffer died - and boy, were we wrong.)

My Grandma wasn't doing too well tonight either. She spending the night with us, because she keeps having visions. She keeps seeing men in her house, following her, and it's upset her to the point that she couldn't sleep there so she'll be spending the night on our couch.

Now, before you call me a bitch - she doesn't WANT to sleep in my bed. She hates my bed, actually. And would rather sleep on the couch. But thanks for judging.

As crazy as they drive me at times though, and as much of a burden (AT TIMES) as it has been on both of my parents - I've really been lucky to grow up so close to my grandparents. With my mom's parents across the street and my dad's parents down the street for most of my life, I never had to grow up without them, like a lot of kids anymore.

Days Like Today

2008-02-24T21:15:00.001-08:00

I haven't been this hungover, for this long, in almost two years.
I didn't even feel this bad in the car on the way from Havasu to Las Vegas in '06.
Or even the day after Kristen & Elisa's 21st Birthday Power Hour in '05.
Drinking away your miserable feelings just creates more miserable feelings.

Days like today, I wish I didn't have a daily photo blog.

Dear Saving Grace

2008-02-23T21:11:00.000-08:00

"There’s an emptiness inside her & she’d do anything to fill it in,
And though it’s red blood bleeding from her now,
It’s more like cold blue ice in her heart.
She feels like kicking out all the windows & setting fire to this life.
She could change everything about her using colors bold & bright.
But all the colors mix together - to grey.
And it breaks her heart.
It breaks her heart... to grey."
-Dave Matthews Band

You called me your "Siamese Twin" tonight, constantly attached to your hip. You joke around that I must not have any friends, since I'm always with you. You are constantly rolling your eyes at the dorky things I say, so much so that I'm convinced they're going to get stuck in the back of your head. You tell me I'm not funny, but you laugh. You were an asshole to me before I even met you, but now I know you must have one of the biggest hearts I've ever encountered.

You're one of the few people who brings me any sense of comfort anymore. I've probably reached one of the hardest parts of my life emotionally and it's a struggle I'm not dealing with well, as you can probably tell. And I know you're struggling too. But no matter what is happening right now, I can only be thankful that you showed up in my life when we both needed each other the most. And that no matter what happens or where life takes us, I will always be able to look back and know you were given to me as a saving grace.

I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.

....Because I Have Nothing Else to Say

2008-02-22T20:18:00.000-08:00

The more time I spend in this city, the more I begin to resent it.

I'm sorry Pittsburgh, but you're like a bad marriage I don't know how to end.

Growing Up Pretending to Be

2008-02-21T20:09:00.000-08:00

Tonight, while I was giving Rory some privacy as he took a phone call, I hung out with my sister while she was closing up at the Deli at our local grocery store. She works part time there (and has for a couple years now) and part time at a salon nearby.

Even though she'll be 21 in August, its still really hard to see her as adult-ish. In my head, she'll always be 12. And if I still don't feel like an adult, there's no way I'm going to see her as one. I feel like we're just pretending.

Sometimes, I wish we were.

"We're Strange Allies, With Warring Hearts..."

2008-02-20T13:12:00.000-08:00

Tonight after work, Rory* & I drove to Altoona to pick up his new car.

We had been planning on going Friday night, but I convinced him to go tonight instead because I got off work earlier and I am able to go into work later tomorrow... and plus they are expecting freezing rain for Friday night. And the last thing I want is to wreck the car on the turnpike in the middle of February. Life sucks enough right now without that added drama. For me and for him.

It was about a two and a half hour trip up and back (with the traffic), but definitely worth it. It was nice to just hang out and drive away for a bit, although I wish we could have kept driving and ended up in Malvern, PA with my Great Aunt Jane & Uncle Jack, who I've been really missing a lot lately. I'm hoping Rory* and I can make a weekend trip up there sometime though, because I haven't needed a hug this badly from my Pap in a long time... and hugging his brother is the closest I can get to that hug right about now.

Then again, hanging out with Rory* tends to improve my mood.
Even if he's not a huge fan of hugging.

I'm lucky to have him in my life right now - even if it was unexpected.

*Although Rory posed for this blog photo, knowing it would end up on the blog, he in no way condones my blogging about our friendship. Though I think he secretly likes it.

Box Office Days

2008-02-19T13:07:00.000-08:00

Today, it was back to work at the Box.

I'm really, really, really happy I took this as my second job.

#1 Reason I Love Presidents' Day

2008-02-18T13:09:00.000-08:00

Because of holidays like today, I get time off from work to see smiling faces like his.

Trent is getting funnier and funnier as he gets older. He's 2.5 now, but full of so much laughter and attitude. He really makes me laugh... and just hanging out around the house with him is a ball of fun. Plus, he's a huge ego boost at times. "Kawee, you so funny! Ha! Ha!"

Kyra had spent the night at a friends house and Trent went off with his sitter again, while my aunt, cousin and I had lunch at the Cheesecake Factory. Then after some shopping at Target, I finally had to head back to the house and say goodbye to the kids. I left around 4, completely exhausted and content with how the trip had gone. Just wish I had more time to see them, or that they didn't live three hours away.

Driving back in to Pittsburgh as the sun was going down really put me in the mood to reflect. As much as I'm miserable here at times, I am truly lucky to be growing so close to my extended family in ways I can't be once I move away. I may not have the most ideal home situation (my parents are growing more and more difficult to live with as the months go on... a conversation discussed at length over lunch with my aunt & cousin), but I am definitely blessed beyond words with the love and support from family I know I can always count on -- even if I have to leave town to find it.

Snow Tubing!

2008-02-17T12:25:00.000-08:00

I got up early this morning to go snow tubing with my 64-year-old uncle and Kyra. It was a group trip with their church, though that didn't stop my uncle from screaming "Shit!" and "God Damn It!" at the top of his lungs as we went flying down the hill.

I can't remember the last time I played in the snow like that... Granted, I still have my cold/horrific cough, but I didn't want to skip out on the chance to do something so fun and unusual (for my lifestyle anyway.) Plus, how do you tell a kid you just don't feel like going?

Truth be told, it was more fun than I could have even imagined.

The rest of the day was spent hanging around the house, babysitting the kids, eating food from Fiesta Jalapenos, chatting with my cousin, playing Wii for the first time ever (and sucking horrifically) and (eventually) watching the new "Brothers & Sisters" episode.

It was... a very good day.

Obsession

2008-02-16T11:57:00.000-08:00

So today, I drove up to Cleveland to spend time with my family.

After having lunch with aunt, cousin, cousin's husband Rich and their two kids - Kyra and Trent, I also attended a birthday party with them at this place called "Pump It Up." It was fun to watch them run around... but our adult fun came later after we dropped the kids at their babysitters.

My Aunt Carol, Cousin Tonya, Rich & I headed to Dave & Busters to grab dinner & play some games. However... the way there and our visit definitely exceeded expectations with my Aunt's extremely off-center and witty conversations. For example, on the way to D&B I was trapped in the car and forced to listen to a conversation about how the baby boomers are now needing to take AIDS and STD information classes now that their generation is actively dating and ridiculously uneducated with those kinds of issues/situations.

Can we say, "AWK-waaaaaaaaaaard?"

Some more highlights:

(Now, my aunt was the main one who DIDN'T want to go to Dave & Busters to play games. She thought it was dumb and a waste of money. That was until... Aunt Carol became OBSESSED... OBSESSED with this one game at D&B. To the point where once she started playing, she kept swiping her card and yelling, "Just ONE more time!" She became extremely...vocal in her playing. Cheering when she got tickets, booing and cursing when she didn't. We literally couldn't pull her away.. she became quite the spectacle. Eventually her card ran out of money.)

Tonya: You're out of money. Guess you can't play anymore. Let's go.
Aunt Carol: What?? No. I want to keep playing!!
Tonya: Mom, our cards are empty. And you don't have any more cash.
Aunt Carol: (yells) I HAVE MY DEBIT CARD! LOAD 'ER UP!

Tonya's Husband Rich: Wow. We have a problem.

. . . . . . . . . .

(After talking to a extremely cute guy who stood next to us, watching my aunt play)
Guy: Well... Nice meeting you. Have a good night.
Me: Bye!
Tonya: (watching him walk away) I'd have picked you up from a hotel in the morning for that.

Aunt Carol: (without looking up from her game) MMMMMM-Hmmmmmmm!

Workplace Alterations

2008-02-15T19:42:00.000-08:00

Um. Okay. Soooo today....

I walked into work at a branch as a pool teller...
And by the time I walked out, I was going to remain at that branch permanently.

Which is good, because its five minutes from my house and gas = expensive.

However, I can't shake this feeling that I made a big mistake.
But I can't change my mind now. I've already committed.

My Funny Valentine

2008-02-14T19:29:00.000-08:00

"My funny valentine,
Sweet, comic valentine;
You make me smile with my heart."

Matt Adams is the most fun Valentine ever.
Even being sick couldn't stop me from laughing.

I'd blog about this night more - but I doubt anyone else would appreciate the humor of the evening. Like $12.75 chicken tender combo meals. Or such disgustingly romantic movies... such as No Country for Old Men. Or the fact that the two don't mix together well. Which results in... me laughing so hard I couldn't even breathe. Then again, that tends to happen when we're together.... laughing so hard we can't breathe that is. Not $12.75 chicken tender combo meals. As our dads would say, "What do you think we are--made of money?!"

Thanks, Mattie A. My favorite/funny Valentine.

Slow Down, You're Movin' Too Fast

2008-02-13T19:27:00.000-08:00

So sometimes, no matter how busy you are, you need to stop.

Today I had to stop. Because I was still sick.
And I wasn't getting better.
And I wasn't about to shovel myself out of my driveway either.

The Cold of Winter

2008-02-12T12:00:00.000-08:00

"Mirror mirror wheres the crystal palace?

But I only can see myself.
Skating around the truth who I am,
But I know, dad, the ice is getting thin.
When you gonna make up your mind?
When you gonna love you as much as I do?
When you gonna make up your mind?

Cause things are gonna change so fast.
All the white horses are still in bed.
I tell you that Ill always want you near...
You say that things change my dear."

--Winter, Tori Amos

Oh BOX OFFICE Humor.

2008-02-11T11:51:00.000-08:00

This sign hangs above the fridge/snack area inside the box office.
I find it quite funny how everyone here tends to ignore the advice...
Including myself. Woops.

Note: This is all that I'm blogging about for today because I doubt anyone wants to hear about how sick I felt all day or how freezing cold it was or how emotional I apparently was... for reasons I don't want to discuss. It was a very long, very hard, very exhausting day.

And collapsing into my bed was perhaps the best part.
But I doubt you want a picture of that either.

Stay, Beautiful Baby

2008-02-10T09:01:00.000-08:00

One of the girls I've come to know through the bank, Rachael, had her baby shower today, so I attended that this afternoon with a supervisor, and two other coworkers. It was crazy to think that less than a year ago, this girl was celebrating graduating high school... and now she's due in the next couple weeks with a baby.

Obviously the pregnancy was accidental, but as the time draws nearer you can just see how loved this baby will be. Which is beautiful and touching and lovely to see... and I am so proud of her for making the best out of a difficult situation and trying to create the best life she can for her soon to be son. And if he turns out to be half as adorable as she is...

But since Sundays are my day off, I couldn't let the baby shower be the only activity on my social schedule. I headed off to spend more time with Rory (See? We CAN be friends!) at Dave & Busters. We sat there for the longest time just talking... and I learned more about him then I ever expected to learn so soon. I just wish more people could see the boy I see in front of me. And that... makes me sad. People don't give other people enough of a chance. There's so much beauty inside of some people, that others refuse to take the time to see. And there's so much beauty inside of Rory.

Finally, no Sunday would be complete without Momma Janita time. Only one more Brothers & Sisters left before they run out like every other show I watch has... but with the writer's strike almost (officially) over, I'm looking forward to what the writers will be throwing together. Even if it takes til mid-to-end of April for actual episodes to appear on my television.

Perfect Shade of Dark Blue

2008-02-09T08:41:00.000-08:00

"This flood (this flood) is slowly rising up swallowing the ground,
Beneath my feet, tell me how anybody thinks under this condition

So I'll swim, (I'll swim) as the water rises up,

The sun is sinking down.
And now all I can see are the planets in a row,
Suggesting it's best that I slow down...

This night's a perfect shade of dark blue (dark blue)
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room when I'm here with you?"

--Dark Blue, Jack's Mannequin

Had another hot friendship date with Matt Adams tonight.
And it was the best one yet.

From Primanti's to Wal-Mart to Eat N Park to cosmic bowling (no judgement, please), it was one of those nights that could have been completely lame... but became amazingly fun and memorable when you're with the right people. And I was definitely with the right person.

There are few parts of my life right now I'm happy about - but Matt Adams and our rekindled friendship is definitely one of them. I feel like he's understanding everything I'm going through right now... from the journalism/photography/lack-of-job situation, to the living with the parents and siblings drama, to the striving for something more in a life that feels endlessly incomplete right now. He knows when to joke about it and when to be sensitive towards it, which is overly needed in my life right now, yet unfair to expect of other people who aren't living it, therefore don't understand it. But he gets it. And I just need that so much right now.

I also need his sense of humor and his views on life. There are very few people who would have found the white trash fight as funny as I did ("Everyone get BACK to your lanes or you WILL be asked to LEAVE!") It's also funny that no matter how far we feel we've gone since high school, we're still surrounded by the same bullshit no matter where we go.

I guess high school never ends, but hey -
If I get Matt Adams out of it - then high school can last forever.

Fighting for my Social Life

2008-02-08T08:33:00.000-08:00

I really, really wish I could have drank more than two of these tonight.

After another long day of a work life I'm not too happy with, I met Rory (See? I told you I meant actual friends) for dinner, diaper shopping (see this Sunday's blog) and drinks at this random bar along 51 that we've never tried before. It was an insanely relaxing, good, good night -- cut way too short by the fact that I had to be at work at 8:30 the next morning.

I'm determined as hell that this "working six days a week" isn't going to kill my social life. Just sucks when you have to leave the bar so early... when you're having such a great time.

Takin' the Long Way

2008-02-07T09:56:00.000-08:00

Originally, I was going to call this blog "Takin' the Long Way Around" after one of my favorite Dixie Chicks songs from their most recent album. The idea being that - like the song - I've always lived my life by my standards. I've done my best to believe that even if I was taking the long way around, the path less traveled, if I believed strongly enough in that... my life would eventually fall in place.

Nowadays, I'm feeling like I'm taking the long way around...

And wasting my time, not becoming inspired.

"Well, I fought with a stranger and I met myself.
I opened my mouth and I heard myself..
It can get pretty lonely when you show yourself;
Guess I could have made it easier on myself.
But I, I could never follow.
No I, I could never follow.
Well, I never seem to do it like anybody else -
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down;
If you ever want to find me I can still be found.
Taking the long way,
Taking the long way around..."

Defining Definitions

2008-02-06T07:59:00.000-08:00

OH Redbeards. OHHH Wing Night. Ohhhh Rory.

So after a long day at work (I'm starting to hate my exsistence) and a somewhat-fun, somewhat unusual date with a 32-year-old, who I doubt will be featured in this blog again so he shall remain nameless for now, I headed to Mt. Washington to go to wing night with Rory again.

Wing night at Redbeards may become my new favorite night of the week. I already have a date set up with La for the Wednesday night she's home for spring break (so NO ONE else can claim her!) because its definitely something KaKa & LaLa should share together. But until that time comes, I'm definitely 100% completely content with sharing it with Rory.

My connection with Rory has definitely... been stronger defined but definitely not in a way either of us expected. I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to write this blog - in a way that would still keep it personal and private, but also emphasize the significance. Which is hard.

To say we're "just friends" now is annoying and cliche and meaningless, because a lot of people who have dated... date and then decide to remain "friends" with very little intention of doing so. But I honestly feel that defining us as "friends" has made me feel so much closer to this boy, in ways I wasn't allowing myself to in these past three months. It has helped me to understand him, and see things I don't think I was able to see when I was dealing with the confusion of "what is this we're in" that everyone struggles with at some point in knowing someone the way I have known Rory.

By no means am I sad, because I feel I have gained much more in this decision then I would have gained had we continued to date both knowing it wasn't going anywhere. I have gained his friendship, which is far more important to me then anything else right now.

Old (Friendly) Navy

2008-02-05T07:52:00.000-08:00

Tonight, after leaving the Box Office, I spent some time catching up with Candi.

We headed to August Henry's, a place I had gone to with LaLa for her birthday last month. The food was definitely just as good as last time, as was the company. It's crazy to think I first worked with Candi back at Old Navy in 2002 and here we are today... still friends & able to chat about all the shit life brings. And man... has life brought the shit on since 2002. When does life get easier?

Afterwards, we watched American Idol at her house before she drove me back to my car at the T station. On the ride home, "Hollaback Girl" was on the radio which instantly brought me back to Summer 2006 at Old Navy and how much I miss the people there and the good times we had. But life goes on... and so must I.

Take Me in My Dreams Recurring...

2008-02-04T09:15:00.000-08:00

I know it's a cop-out to use photos I took months ago...

But I'm really missing my Nubia.

As Close to Home As I'm Going to Get

2008-02-03T17:02:00.000-08:00

This is the closest I'm going to get to being in Arizona or New York tonight.
Watching my favorite city (essentially) play in my favorite state.
I don't even like football.

It's been a glorious day off.
Back to the bank tomorrow.

End of the... Week

2008-02-02T16:53:00.000-08:00

Today was my first full week of working both jobs.

And after I got off work at the theater downtown and rode the T back to where I had parked near my house, I apparently was at the end of my rope as far as exhaustion goes. As soon as I got home and ate dinner, I laid down for what was SUPPOSED to be an hour or so nap. I had been planning on hanging out somewhere with Candi... grabbing a couple drinks, enjoying the fact that I had the next day off.

Yet because I'm an idiot - I set my alarm for A.M. instead of P.M.

So I ended up napping from ROUGHLY 7 P.M. until.... 1:20 A.M.

I guess it's not really a nap if you sleep for six hours.
I need to get used to this "two jobs" thing or my social life is going to be non-existent.

February? FEBRUARY?!

2008-02-01T16:25:00.000-08:00

It's the first day of February already. Holy hell. How did that happen?

Time passes by too quickly. I keep looking at all the magnets my parents (somewhat embarrassingly) collected from all the different places we've traveled over the years. We don't really go on "family vacations" anymore - and I miss that. I feel like I was just on our first family trip to Arizona... and that was eight and a half years ago.

I miss those couple weeks during the summer where our family would just load up on a bus tour with some touring company and travel around to all these new and interesting places. Places I would have never picked myself to visit sometimes, but places I hold close to my heart.

Arizona, for instance. I had never wanted to go to Arizona until I was there. And then look... I fell in love. Fell in love with everything about it.

I miss that sense of discovering something.
I want a reason to buy a new magnet.

Reasons to be Sad.

2008-01-31T16:35:00.000-08:00

Tonight, I went to the funeral viewing of my friend Lauren's cousin.
He was only 22 and that fire he died in was a huge story for our area.

I didn't know him - but I know Lauren. I love Lauren. And I know how hard it is to lose someone you love... even though I don't know how hard it is to lose someone you love so much, at such a young age. I waited in a huge line - very similar to the line I stood in when I was only 17, waiting to pass the coffin of a classmate I lost back in 2002:

I couldn't write an entry last night, because everything that I saw, everything that I experienced, everything that I felt was just too much to bare. I was emotionally drained in a way I had never ever felt in my entire life. Then again, last night was the worst night of my life.

The line was endless... I could not believe how many people were there. It stretched all the way through the funeral home, out the front door, down the long driveway, up the long driveway, down the block and around the corner. We waited a full two hours just to get to the casket. I was alright at first. But as we got closer and closer ... it was starting to get scary. Suddenly we entered the funeral home and I was wondering if I could do this. But I had to do it. I had to make amends.

I didn't start crying actually until I entered the room with the body and hugged her older brother, Eric. I met her dad and her mother which was hard. Suddenly, it was time. Kristen and I knelt at the casket... and I couldn't stop the tears at all ... All I could think, as I walked away, tears streaming down my face, was that no one deserves this. No one deserves to be in a coffin so young. (Excerpts from a now-private online diary from May 2002.)

The line for Lauren's cousin's viewing was so similar. I only ended up waiting 45 minutes though, before I caught onto Lauren's hand in the hallway. I went to another room and sat with her for awhile and watched how put together she seemed, even though I knew her heart was breaking inside.

It's amazing what you don't see coming.
And yet how strong people can appear to be.

Isn't It Ironic, Don't Ya Think

2008-01-30T16:19:00.000-08:00

Today due to the fact that my life sucks, my car doors were frozen shut and I couldn't drive my car to work. So I had to wake up my (ridiculously sound asleep and cranky sister) and make her drive me to work. Then I had to beg her to pick me up from work.

She picked me up while she was out with her friend...
And I just found it funny that they matched.
Matching flannel.
And it wasn't planned.

That was pretty much the only funny part about the car ride.

Déjà vu

2008-01-29T16:10:00.000-08:00

I have such extreme cases of déjà vu working at the theater now. In my head I'm constantly comparing everything at my new theater to the one I left behind at school. I'm really enjoying my coworkers and the familiarity of the environment, the programs we use. I'm LOVING how fun and mellow the office is... it's so refreshing. But it does make me homesick for my BOX staff back in Arizona, my life back there.

Still, I'd much rather be at the theater then at the bank.
Only wish I could be writing about it, instead of selling it.

I Started This Blog...

2008-01-28T15:57:00.000-08:00

....To remind myself of a few things.

How far I've come, how much I'm loved, how blessed I am.... And that no matter how confusing or lost I may feel, there are reasons around me every single day - to celebrate this life I'm living.

However, I also had hopes that during the course of this year I'd leave Arizona, regroup in Pittsburgh, and find myself on my way to another city, another life, another chapter that even I wanted to document, wanted to read. But here I am at the end of January... still in Pittsburgh and still so unsure of my direction. I feel lost, in ways I haven't felt... perhaps ever. And this blog is becoming a reminder of how unsettled I am, how unsatisfied I am.

I dread updating it at times.

But I keep doing it - even if my entries are a week delayed - to remind myself that I have an obligation to find that direction, that life, that meaning that I know I am meant to find, live and love.

I keep wondering if I'll end this blog on April 26th, a year after I started it, the day of my intended goal. Or if I should keep it going - until that first day comes. And by "first day" ....I mean "First Day of the Rest of my Life" in whatever form it may be.

Because there WILL be a "First Day."
I have to believe that.

Comfortably Cuddling

2008-01-27T20:32:00.001-08:00

Yep. That's our dog Jasmine.
Asleep. Under a blanket, head on the pillow.

Nope. I don't know who tucked her in like that.
But she slept that way for a couple hours today.

Yep. That's basically the majority of what I did today too.
Nope. I didn't look that cute doing it either.

Two Words: Spider-Man Bedsheets

2008-01-26T00:38:00.000-08:00

I don't know what I enjoyed more tonight:

Juno, fries from the O, or my time with Matt Adams.*
(Don't tell Matt, but it MIGHT have been the fries from the O.)

There was also our extremely exciting trip to Red Robin as well... but that was slightly tarnished by being embarrassed on our way in. I knew I should have put Matt's name down instead of mine.

(Matt & Kari, chatting away against the wall as we wait for a table.)
Sassy Hostess: Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrri. KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRI! Kaaaaaaaari. Kari. KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARI. Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrri.
Me: ...Are they calling my name?
Matt: (pause) ...Yeah, I think so?
(We walk towards front of waiting area.)
Me: Sorry - didn't realize you were calling my name - didn't hear it.
Sassy Hostess: Yeah - Uh-huh - There's one time we called someones name fo' half an hour. HALF AN HOUR! And they's were sitting right there... I wanted to say, "Whatcha all been doin' over there - sleepin?"
Me: Um. Yeah. Ha? (awkward silence)

Though that's not half as awkward as the silence that followed after Matt told me he had Spider-Man bedsheets. Yes, he's 23 too.

Matt: I live at my parents and I have Spider-Man bedsheets - I don't know WHY I'm single!?

All joking aside (Spider-Man bedsheets? Really? REALLY!) I had a kick ass time with Mattie A again... and I didn't even have to consume alcohol or hang out with his grandparents to do so. Even though he did ask me if I'd start making out with the person next to me if I was in a plane that was about to crash... but that's another story for another day.

*Matt Adams should be featured in this blog way more often.
Because he's way more fun than I remember.

Oh You Know. The Usual.

2008-01-25T00:33:00.000-08:00

Today at the branch I've been working at all week, one of the regulars walked in with a video camera he had gotten for Christmas to show the ladies.... And then proceeded to record us all laughing at him.

No one wanted to wait on him though, since none of us really wanted to be recorded, but finally Theresa gave in and stepped up to the plate.

As she did this I decided, what the heck - if he can document this random visit so can I - and I snapped this picture. Then Kelly said something to him about, "Are you sure you want to harass the tellers while we're taping YOU" and pointed to the lineup of cameras behind us.

He then decided maybe it was best to turn off his camera.
I told him that as punishment - he was going to end up on my blog.

Word Up

2008-01-24T23:03:00.001-08:00

I worked all day today and had a pretty-delightful day, except for the fact that I've been pretty tired due to certain boys who have been keeping me up late at night. So tonight I came home, ate dinner and fell asleep for a good three and a half hours before Aaron came over to use my laptop to upload music to his brand new ipod.

Aaron was happy to have his music uploaded finally and I was just happy to have the company. To tell you the truth though, I'm even happier that my sister is spending the night at a friend's house tonight so I could sneak her little space heater out of her room and use it in mine. I may have to finally give in and buy one for myself tomorrow. I'm tired of being so cold.

Presenting... Another Job!

2008-01-23T22:54:00.000-08:00

I've taken on (technically) a third job and today was my first day of training.

Since I miss my Box-Office kids back at UA Presents so much I figured I wouldn't mind throwing in an application at this theater in downtown Pittsburgh. Well they called me a month after, I interviewed a month after that, was hired yesterday over the phone as their newest box office employee and then started some training today since I had the day off.

I can already tell I'm going to enjoy the job more than I currently enjoy my other two. At least... I guess I'll enjoy it enough to make the (somewhat inconvenient) commute downtown two days and one evening a week. My goal right now is to work four days with the bank (~32 hours), two with the theater (and possibly one evening if there is a show... ~20 hours), squeeze in the Ourlikes work on my other evenings off (~6 hours) and have Sunday off to make out with my pillow/see friends.

I'm going to be exhausted.

Much-Missed Laughter

2008-01-22T22:41:00.000-08:00

So exactly one month to the day that we swore we'd ACTUALLY do dinner sometime after not having seen each other really in four years... Mattie A and I had a hot date out to Uno and the movies. Oh it was scandalous. Riveting. Gossip-filled.

Actually, I just pretty much laughed from the moment he picked me up in his pimped-out ride to the moment he dropped me off. Except for that one part in the middle where he made me sit through Cloverfield. Which was actually a really good movie - just not very laughable. Well except for all the parts where Matt kept jumping because he was scared - that was FREAKING hilarious. (Except, you know, I might have made that part of the night up.)

But after tonight, I've definitely come to the conclusion I need more Matt Adams in my life.*

* FYI I have tons of funny stories/overly witty quotes/good gossip that I'd love to put in this blog. But to protect the innocent (and to better my chances of hanging out with Mattie A again) I guess I have to leave it off the blog. But trust me, if you call and ask, I'll probably tell.

And by "probably," I mean "definitely." ;)

The Bucket List

2008-01-21T22:23:00.000-08:00

So in celebration of the great MLK Jr. today, my dad and I went to see the Bucket List.

Okay, I know the movie has nothing to do with MLK Jr.... but it was still really good. And I had the day off. Love paid holidays!

(Some of) My Bucket List (In No Particular Order):
1) Visit all 6 continents... I'm (obviously) not counting Antarctica.
2) Live in Chicago once. New York once. Somewhere-I-least-expected once.
3) See the Arnolfini Portrait in person. National Gallery in London.
4) Adopt at least two children.
5) Make World Vision the charity I'm able to significantly support.
6) Write something truly significant that will be read by a million people.
7) Learn to live without my father's love or approval.
8) Fall in love with myself, so I can learn to fall in love with someone else.
9) Sky dive in Arizona on one of those overly-beautiful AZ days.
10) High-five a super famous celebrity. Like Tom-Hanks-super-famous.

A New Day

2008-01-20T22:18:00.000-08:00

Let the rain come down
And wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul
And drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls
For a new sun....

There are parts of this life in Pittsburgh I want to hold on to - but many parts I want to just shatter so I can move on with my life somewhere else. I'm really just wasting my time here.

I slept most of today.

I Went Up to the Mountain...

2008-01-19T14:54:00.000-08:00

Aaron & I had Gage for the morning, so we played "family" and took him to lunch. Honestly, the more time I spend with Gage the more he steals my heart -- and he obviously stole Aaron's too. It was amazing to see how quickly Gage fell in love with Aaron as well. So it definitely made for an interesting day.

Gage: Cuz Kah-wee, is Aaron my cuh-zin teew?

Then we headed down to Morgantown to meet up with Kelli, as soon as she got off from work. We spent the day shopping and walking around, eventually heading to dinner (love the Rio Grande!), then back to Kelli's apartment to hang out before the concert. As excited as I was to see Kelly Clarkson and Reba McEntire in concert -- I was sad to see how quickly our day with Kelli & Gage had slipped away from us. But we had tickets (and I have a STRONG love for my Kelly Clark!) so we drove back down to Morgantown.

The concert was AMAZING. I've always liked Reba okay, but I've never really been a huge fan. But to see her and Kelly (who is always amazing live) perform together was just the best. It was also very different than what I had expected. I sort of thought... at one point Kelly would sing some songs, then Reba would come out. Etc. Etc. But they were always on stage together - either doing duets/covers of other songs, or newly arranged duets of popular songs either singer had made famous. And even if a song was MOSTLY sung by Kelly Clarkson - Reba would sing backup and occasionally come in to sing part of a verse. And Kelly would do the same for Reba. So it was a very unexpected setup... but honestly, the best one they could have done. The concert flowed fantastically...

Best (Expected) Song: Kelly/Reba singing a duet version of "Beautiful Disaster"
Best Song I Didn't Know Prior: Reba's "Sleepin' with the Telephone"
Most-Missed Not-Performed Song: MAYBE! :(
Most-Fun Dance Number: Since You've Been Gone!
Best Surprise: Kelly/Reba singing Patty Griffin's "Up to the Mountain"

(From the American Idol cd, not the concert. Just Kelly.)

All that was needed after the concert was a trip to the bar (LOVED the random bar at WVU we hit up!) and then we picked up food at Pita Pit. Sadly, I was too drunk to realize I had eaten half of Aaron's pita before it was too late... and since he hated the one I got.... he didn't eat half of mine. Woops.

Aaron's WV Pita Pit Consumption: .5 (...if that)
Kari's WV Pita Pit Consumption: 1.5 (...possibly more)
Amazingness of this WV Trip on Scale of 1-10: 8.75