Never, Never Land

Never, Never Land, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

I know, I know -- I'm 22. I'm not in my childhood anymore. I haven't been a "child" for a long time now. But still, hearing that some of your happiest memories from your childhood have passed on... can't help but make you feel like you're desperately holding on to something you can no longer hold on to anymore.

Tonight, I went to Mary Lewis's funeral viewing.

A lot of people in my life never even heard me talk about her - because I hadn't seen her in years. She (and her husband, Jimmy, who passed away when I was in 5th grade or so) lived next to my Grandma & Grandpap Shaffer for over 50 years.

I'd say more than half of the time I spent down at my grandparents I saw Mary & Jimmy. At times they babysat us, at times they came over to visit -- or played with us in the yard. We used to sit on their porch for hours. Sometimes we'd get in trouble because we spent more time visiting them then our own grandparents.

They were such good people -- so endlessly good to us all.

-- Then Jimmy had a heart attack & died while moving the lawn.
-- My Grandma was sick for years in a nursing home.
-- Then she too died.
-- Eventually my Pap had a stroke & moved into a nursing home.
-- My grandparents' house was sold.
-- Mary filed for bankruptcy. She had a gambling addiction.
-- She had to move out of her house,
-- Which eventually caught on fire. (We still don't know how.)

So much has happened since the days when we used to run across my Grandparents' yard to play with Jimmy & Mary Lewis. So much of life has changed -- so much of it appears very different then it once did. Now all I feel is like I'm just holding my breath, waiting for my Grandpap Shaffer to pass away too. Then those summer days will all be gone. My sister & I will be the only ones left alive in the memory. Even the houses no longer remain ours.

"Well to my surprise, I grew up to fast;
And that easy life of Tinkerbell never did last.
Though I dreamed myself far, far away -
So that I could be immortalized like Peter one day.
And that's my childhood as I recall,
Though in some ways it never did end..."
--Never, Never Land