...But Only For Awhile

Today, I buried my Grandpap Shaffer.

I had tried so hard to think of the perfect way to honor my Pap for the funeral service. I knew I should say something -- that I was the only granddaughter who would say something. Like my cousin Kelli said to me today, "We always count on you to be the outspoken one." But sometimes, I wish I didn't have to be.. because sometimes, even I don't know what to say.

Luckily, the day before my family received an email from our former pastor -- who was transferred out of our church when I was 15. He was the one who held the ceremonies when my Grandma Shaffer passed away in 1996, and he was the last pastor my Pap was ever really familiar with. Right around the time Pastor Ralph left our church, my Pap's hearing and walking were more & more of a problem - so he stopped going to church. It became especially difficult for him to attend one he was placed in assisted living and later... a nursing home.

As I said before I read the email to the crowd of 30-some people gathered for my Pap's funeral, Pastor Ralph's words spoke so perfectly everything my family would want to say to honor our father, our grandfather, our great-grandfather. And so I read... and cried... my way through the email:

"Dear Dorothy... and Paul... and family,

Thank you for thinking of me and sharing the information about Glen's passing.

When I think of Paul's dad, I can't help but to smile. He was a good man, full of faith and care. He had a sense of humor and a devotion to his family. Glen was an example of what God can do... not a star or a planet or an ocean... but a good man. He is the pride and the strength of his family and a blessing to those who knew him. And the good news -- he will be missed! Heaven rejoices. Bernadine is happier to have her husband home. We grieve... but only for awhile.

Please give my love to your family.

Blessings,

Pastor Ralph"

As we later walked away from the grave site, I felt a sense of calmness I had prayed for all weekend. I am thankful that this year has allowed me the opportunity to grow so much closer to my aunts and uncles, cousins and their children. In ways, that closeness prepared me to be able to let go. To be thankful. To know that although my paternal grandparents have both left me... their love lives on in all of us. We have each other. It's been a long road, but we have each other.

“Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves... for growing up.” --The Wonder Years