Lesson #323 I Have Yet to Learn

Lesson #323 I Have Yet to Learn, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

...I sort of feel like I'm back at square one again.
Right where I was before I left to go to school in Arizona.

I hate being so unsure of who I am anymore.
And what I want/need out of life to be happy.

Five Reasons I Hate Living at Home

Five Reasons I Hate Living at Home, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

My parents have a bunch of bobble-head dolls decorating the house.

Including not one, but two, George W. Bush talking, bobble-heads. That were given to them as gifts. From "friends." I see those gift-givers as my enemies.

One is an "inspirational" Dubya doll, who recites 'famous' and touching quotes from the president -- basically 9/11ish moments. The other doll has two buttons - one that does inspirational and one that has stupid things he has said.

You can guess which button I prefer to hear more.

Is This Real Life?

Is This Real Life?, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

Tonight, I was at the gas station down the street waiting for my mom's order of lunch meat to be ready.

I couldn't help but overhear the conversation being held at the register - between a late-20s cashier and a 40-something-year-old customer. They were ranting back and forth about how they hear "young kids" wish their lives away... and how they'd give anything to go back to high school, because those are the best days of your life.

I couldn't help but stand there and pray that high school wasn't the best years of my life. I don't even want college to have been the best years of my life -- I'm a firm believer in the best is yet to come.

At least, I used to be. Maybe that cashier used to feel that way too - maybe that customer did as well. Maybe most people used to look forward instead of backwards... but I'm still hopeful. For now.

Big Fish

Big Fish, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

To further my sense of confusion & sadness, I have watched Big Fish two times in the past 24 hours. I first saw the movie when it came out around Christmas 2003. I went with an old friend & coworker from Old Navy, Jess, and we saw that movie just after my Pap had passed away.

The scene in the hospital, near the end of the movie, always brings me to tears. That moment was so raw and fresh to me - being I had just lost my Pap and had been at his bedside hours before he died.

I always watch it hoping to feel better about my view on life - I often see a lot of myself in Edward Bloom - wanting so much from his life when everyone else expect so much, and yet so little. But in the end, I always get caught up in the little moments of the movie and lose myself to my tears.

It's one of my favorite movies of all time.

. . . . . .

Young Ed Bloom: Who is she? Where does she live?
Amos Calloway: Forget it kid, don't waste your time. She's out of your league.
Young Ed Bloom: What do you mean? You don't even know me.
Amos Calloway: Sure I do! You were hot shit back in Hickville, but here in the real world, you got squat! You don't have a plan, you don't have a job, you don't have anything except the clothes on your back. You were a big fish in a small pond, but this here is the ocean and your drownin'. Take my advice, go back to Puddleville; you'll be happy there.

Fog

Fog, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

I got up early this morning to go to the bathroom and couldn't help but notice the thick fog rising above the river.

I also couldn't help but notice how bad my allergies were during the day and how my right eye was swollen shut for most of it.

My solution? Sleep. An insane amount.

Happy Labor Day.

Sense of Belonging

Sense of Community, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

Today was Community Day in Elrama, which is just down the road from us.

It's the town I grew up in and the town my parents and grandparents were raised in. It's not even a town - so small it's actually "The Village of Elrama." I spent so many summer nights running around that area - my grandparents lived in the center of it and knew everyone in every house it seemed. It's hard to believe it's been almost 11 years since my Grandma died and almost 9 or 10 since my Pap sold the house.

But even small towns change, as was evident by the lack of people I did not know at the picnic today. Just as well. Nothing should ever stay the same. I'm not the same - and I wouldn't want to be the same.

Luckily, this photo is really not the truest representation of my day. Because this day - as horribly confusing and frustrating as it was at times - ended spectacularly. Tonight, I just couldn't do anything to wipe the smile off of my face.

I don't care how long this lasts -
I just know that with him--right now--I am happy.

"If you only get to go around one time -
I'm gonna sit back and try to enjoy the ride."

Once Upon A Time...

Once Upon A Time..., originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

Today, we took the babies & Quinton up to Idewild Park in Ligonier, PA.

The past couple times I've gone to Idewild, I've gone with La's family - which has been a blast. But we were older. It was fun... but not AS fun as it used to be. The park is showing it's age; its a tad rundown. It's definitely not an amusement park for adults or college kids looking to score some excitement.

You know, it's been a really long time since I've seen Idewild the way I USED to see Idewild... through the eyes of children.But that changed today, that's for sure.

I've also never gone before with children I love as much as I would my own. But going there with Gage, Laken, Liam & Quinton... I don't need to tell you again just how much I love those boys.

But because of them, suddenly Idewild was the same, amazing, magical place filled with all the excitement and fantasy that I fell in love with there when I was a kid. Entering the big fairytale book which leads to Story Book Forest - and being greeted by Mother Goose - had never seemed as wonderful as it did today when I saw the faces of Gage and Laken, soaking it all in. They really believed they were meeting THE Mother Goose. And that excitement continued the whole way through the forest - fairytale after fairytale coming to life. You hardly even notice the seemingly-disgruntled college-aged employees, tired after a long summer of playing make-believe in old costumes during humid days. Because thats not what the kids saw.

What they really saw was THE Snow White.
THE Old Woman Who Lived in Her Shoe.
THE Little Red Riding Hood.

And to watch Quinton on the rides - to see how scared he was of the roller coaster, the way I was once scared. How he held onto me so tight, begging me to save him. To see how much he loved just going around in circles on a fake hot air balloon ride... really just made me sit back and think how amazing it is to be a kid.

I really hope they never have to grow up.