Reasons to be Sad.

Tonight, I went to the funeral viewing of my friend Lauren's cousin.
He was only 22 and that fire he died in was a huge story for our area.

I didn't know him - but I know Lauren. I love Lauren. And I know how hard it is to lose someone you love... even though I don't know how hard it is to lose someone you love so much, at such a young age. I waited in a huge line - very similar to the line I stood in when I was only 17, waiting to pass the coffin of a classmate I lost back in 2002:

I couldn't write an entry last night, because everything that I saw, everything that I experienced, everything that I felt was just too much to bare. I was emotionally drained in a way I had never ever felt in my entire life. Then again, last night was the worst night of my life.

The line was endless... I could not believe how many people were there. It stretched all the way through the funeral home, out the front door, down the long driveway, up the long driveway, down the block and around the corner. We waited a full two hours just to get to the casket. I was alright at first. But as we got closer and closer ... it was starting to get scary. Suddenly we entered the funeral home and I was wondering if I could do this. But I had to do it. I had to make amends.

I didn't start crying actually until I entered the room with the body and hugged her older brother, Eric. I met her dad and her mother which was hard. Suddenly, it was time. Kristen and I knelt at the casket... and I couldn't stop the tears at all ... All I could think, as I walked away, tears streaming down my face, was that no one deserves this. No one deserves to be in a coffin so young. (Excerpts from a now-private online diary from May 2002.)

The line for Lauren's cousin's viewing was so similar. I only ended up waiting 45 minutes though, before I caught onto Lauren's hand in the hallway. I went to another room and sat with her for awhile and watched how put together she seemed, even though I knew her heart was breaking inside.

It's amazing what you don't see coming.
And yet how strong people can appear to be.