Happy Birthday to My Reason

Happy Birthday to My Reason Enough, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

Today, A-Men turned 22.

Happy Birthday to one of the few reasons I have left to celebrate here in the Valley. I don't know what I'd do without him and I realize that every single time I'm with him. He really is my greatest escape... my most fulfilling release. My confidant. My friend.

He's the one I need the most right now, even if he doesn't realize it.

Tomorrow is October 1st.
The deadline.

I have failed myself.
Which is hard, because I'm my own worst critic.

Feeling Needed

Feeling Needed, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

My parents and I got up early this morning to drive down to the Buckwheat Festival in Kingwood, WV.

My Aunt Carol & Uncle Bill had also driven down from Ohio, and so we all piled into cars and joined Aunt Greta, Amy, Jarion, Laken & Liam for the parade.

After walking around the craft booths for awhile, Baby Liam fell asleep as I was carrying him. I ended up carrying the sleepyhead all over the festival - and finally passed him over to my father for a second while I got situated. Hey - as much as I love those kids - even my arms need a break now and then.

I couldn't help but notice how peaceful both Liam and my dad looked as they waited on the parade. Although my dad only held him for a couple of minutes, and I proceeded to hold the still-sleeping Liam for most of the hour and a half parade - this image of them together burned into my memory.

I'm sure my dad didn't start out thinking he & I would end up with the relationship we have now. I'm sure there were times that I was once that sleeping baby - content in his arms.

Those days are long gone now, that's for sure.

Still, it makes me wonder what my relationship will become with my children someday - and if I can ever bridge whatever gap there is between me and my dad. Or if I will ever be able to find a man I am capable of completely trusting...

Priceless

Priceless, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

The ONE time I don't check to make sure I have my cell before I leave a place, I leave it behind. Go figure.

I went almost 12 hours without my cell phone today, and I was sleeping for most of those hours... but it really makes you think about how addictive technology can become. When I picked up my phone around 11:30 this morning, I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief. My crack was back!

Suddenly the sun was shining! The day had dawned! Life could continue!

I can't even remember how I managed to be social without one. I think of how many times I've truly needed it and sometimes forget that I used to have to do without one:

I mean, when I was meeting up with friends in an incredibly public place - how did I find them in that huge crowd?

When I was running late, how did I let someone know? When I was early, how did I communicate to my friends that they needed to hurry up?

What DID girls use in bars to keep them "busy" as they tried to blow off some drunk guy?

How DID girls/guys break up with each other without text messaging?! (Just a joke. I realize text-breakups are almost as bad as Post-It note ones ala Carrie/Berger in Sex and the City.)

Oh dear cell, how I've missed you. I'm sorry you had to sleep alone last night but thankfully, you are right back on my nightstand - where you belong! (And in case Anna decides to drunk dial me tonight!)

Welp.

Welp., originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

(long pause)



...guess when my parents go out of town in October, I guess I won't have to worry about remembering to feed the fish.

Afternoon Delight

Afternoon Delight, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

Went out for lunch with two lovely ladies today - Miss Candi and her niece Kacey.

I haven't seen Candi since Britney's VMA disaster a couple weeks ago and I haven't seen Kacey since she was asleep in her car seat as a baby. So it was really nice to meet up with them at the mall and just grab lunch and walk around.

There's just something about being around kids that makes you really slow down and enjoy the simple things in life. Candi and I were cracking up just riding in the elevator, because as we started to descend Kacey threw her arms out to steady herself from the vibrating elevator floor.

You can't help but smile when you remember what used to excited you.

I think she's ready for the Tower of Terror next.

Holding Out for a Homerun

Wake Me Up When September Ends, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

"Growing up happens in a heartbeat. One day you're in diapers, the next day you're gone. But the memories of childhood stay with you for the long haul. I remember a place, a town, a house like a lot of other houses, a yard like a lot of other yards, on a street like a lot of other streets. And the thing is, after all these years, I still look back, with wonder."
-The Wonder Years

Tonight, I went to see the Pirates game with my dad. They were playing the Arizona Diamondbacks - which was interesting to see. My old life (Arizona) vs. my current life (Pittsburgh).

I may have worn an Arizona t-shirt to the park, but the Pirates won the game.

I kept watching the two kids in front of us at the game though -- so excited over every damn swing of the bat, every ball that went into the air. Like they truly believed that foul ball was coming -- any second now. Any minute and it would be theirs. Inning after inning they cheered, they stood, they held up their gloves. They waited.

They'd love to see a homerun hit out of the park, but they'd also die for a foul ball.

Chicago/New York would be my homeruns - but where IS my foul ball?

Scrub Up!

Scrub Up, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

Today, my dad helped me wash my car and vacuum it out. He was in an unusually nice mood for some reason... but in true Paul David form, that mood faded away pretty quickly.

Still, my car looks 1,000 times better than it did before.

Which means it's pretty much guaranteed to rain in southwestern PA tomorrow.

Quality Time

Quality Time, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

Today I took Grandma with me to church, where we met up with Cousin Holly and my Aunt Shirley. Afterwards, we made time to go to Olive Garden for their endless soup & salad... which was endlessly wonderful & filling.

It was nice to see my aunt, who I haven't seen since my surgery. (She would have been photographed, only she was sitting next to me and it's a lot harder to sneak a photo with your camera phone if you have to turn sideways to take the picture.)

It was also nice that she surprised me with some belated birthday money (cha-ching!) which WAS a surprise considering I'm at the age where the rest of my relatives have stopped feeling obligated to give me some.

((End random blog blurb of the day))
AND THEN
((Insert some vague reference I won't discuss further))

And to quote the beautiful musical WICKED:

"There are bridges you cross you didn't know you crossed until you crossed..."

Sometimes I find it ridiculously hard to recognize myself by my actions.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LIAM!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LIAM!, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

Guess who turned 1 year old?! :)

(AND guess who learned how to WALK since I saw him last!)

Baby Liam & I may share the same birthday - but we had to wait until this weekend to celebrate, when his dad was home from work.

So my Great Aunt Betty and I drove down to West Virginia for his first big birthday party. As you can tell, he was pretty excited about his special day - or at least excited about all of the people inside his house. It was filled with faces who had nothing but love for him. And boy, is that baby loved. Especially by me.

It was only a day trip, but getting my fill of my Baby-Prozac is always worthwhile, no matter how big the dosage. And there I was, surrounded by my heartbeats - Quinton, Laken, Liam and Gage.

So as you probably know, I'm pretty damn happy right now.

Old(er) Dogs and New Tricks/Habits

Old(er) Dogs and New Tricks/Habits, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

Our "puppy" Jasmine turned 8 years old this month.

She used to be pretty well trained - but in her old(er) age she has decided that she no longer likes coming when called or peeing outside. She also is now obsessed with moving one particular bath mat every time she gets.

Not any other mat in either of our bathrooms -

One mat. Same bathroom. All the time.

The Wife!

The Wife!, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

No longer a bride - my newest married friend and I had lunch together today.

It was soo good to spend time with Dana! I hadn't even realized just how bored she was too - I could have been hanging out with her all of these weeks! I missed her. It was great to sit down, stuff ourselves at WeiWei and catch up.

But seriously. The diet starts again tomorrow.

I really mean it this time!

Sisterly Love

Oh Happy Day!, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

I will admit, as much as I sometimes hate living at home, it's nice to spend some time with my sister.

No matter what color her ever-changing hair is -- or whether or not she likes spending time with me.

(I think she does.)

Enjoying Here & Now

Enjoying Here & Now, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

So today was Tuesday - which used to be my least favorite day of the week. But you know, when you don't have a job (and therefore, a week of days to dictate your mood,) what does it matter? It was just another day, really, I guess.

But if you are wondering how I'm doing, I have pretty much two answers I could give you. It probably depends on which answer you'd most prefer - as Ellen so brilliantly points out in the DVD I watched last night with the owner of the aforementioned sweatshirt.

Ellen: [about talking vs. communication] Even when we say, "How are you?" we don't mean, "How are you?" - we don't care. Just give us a "fine" or a "good" - a one syllyble answer and move along. And don't even say "pretty good". That's a follow-up question: "Pretty good? ....Something happen?... I don"t... have... time to..." (sigh)

So... if you want a quick answer as to the status of my life... the answer is fine/good. If you want a more detailed description - then yes, my life right now... feels pretty, pretty good.

Mainly because of a particular sweatshirt & its owner.

Downtown

Downtown, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

Spent a lot of today in downtown Pittsburgh today because of an (apparently) two and a half hour interviewing process with a local bank.

I didn't get to sleep until roughly 4 a.m. last night (though that was HAPPILY my choice) and had to get up at 7 (not-so-happily my choice), so it was a bit of a rough start... but I was fine once I hopped in the shower.

Or at least - I was fine until I was sitting through a 70 MINUTE TEST. Then I was not so fine. I mean, I'm not applying for the FBI or anything... Oh well.

EIther way, my dad went down with me for the interview (I was a bit nervous about getting caught in traffic & missing the appointment) so we grabbed lunch after. I also walked around to a couple of the theaters in the area to grab applications.

Really, I just need money at this point. And I miss my kids at the BOX back in Tucson, so I did it in honor of them.

Safe & Warm

Safe & Warm, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

There's a lot I could write about tonight.

But instead, I'll just say thank you for letting me wear your sweatshirt home - because you knew I'd be cold, even when I didn't.

Because of you I wasn't -
And you definitely melted my heart a little.

((P.S. I think I'll sleep in your sweatshirt tonight.))

Best Birthday Gift: Love.

Best Birthday Gift: Love., originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

Now this felt more like a birthday.

Fabulous time in the South Side with fabulous friends. And - random people who decide to hop in photos.

Either way, I had a great time with some girls (and a boy!*) I hardly ever get to spend time with - which should change soon, since I love hanging out with them. We went to eat some "MEXICAN" food and then out for drinks at some random bars in the South Side of Pittsburgh. It was a lovely evening - mainly because these people love to laugh as much as I do.

I must be a lucky girl. I know I'm a thankful one at least.

*We all know I spend more than enough time with Aaron. But I felt if I ignored his presence in the photo, I'm sure I'd hear jokes about it later.

I'm aware he's not a girl. Haha!

Twenty-Three... or Just Three?

Twenty-Three... or Just Three?, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

Now that my strep is on the way out (thanks antibiotics!) we were able to celebrate my birthday tonight.

My parents, Pap & I went out to dinner (Lauren had a concert and Grandma was sick) which was nice. I heart crab legs... and this is the one day a year out of 365 that my dad will actually pay for them - so I took advantage of that situation. And yes, they were delicious.

THOUGH.

They were not as nearly delicious or as exciting as....
MY FINDING NEMO BIRTHDAY CAKE!

Yes, I just turned 23. No I don't care what you think.
It made me ridiculously happy, so hush.
(But don't tell Coldstone it was for me & not my kid.)

Cashier: Now, make sure you don't let the kids eat the figurines. They aren't edible - they are toys they can play with after the cake is eaten!!
Me: Oh. Uh. Yeah. I'll have to watch them.
Cashier: Oh those kids just LOVE the Finding Nemo, don't they?

Annnd... It Starts

Annnd... It Starts, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

It was barely noticeable today - the slight end of summer chill.

It still looked like summer - only, crisper.

Maybe I only noticed because I haven't been around here during these mid-September days for the past four years. I'm used to HEAT. To that Arizona sun pounding down on us for many more weeks to come. I'm not used to that somewhat-insignificantly-different-slight-chill anymore.

I'm surprised by it now.

It may have looked like summer in my front yard this afternoon - and in my surrounding neighborhood - but there it was. That slight change that suddenly whispered that fall will quickly be on its way.

I will admit - I have missed the fall.

Birthday Presents!

Birthday Presents!, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

No! This is not me singing "Happy Birthday" to myself!

This is what I got for my birthday:
Strep Throat. (....And Fever Day III)

And yes, you can remember this as the scariest blog photo to date.

Birthday Festivities: Postponed until Friday/Saturday, cause all I wanna do right now is sleep/sip tea/be drugged up. The weekend shall be way more fun.

But I promise, more optimistic blogs to come (& soon!) The job interview today (despite the fact that I don't really WANT this job) reminded me just how much I miss working. And making money. And socializing with coworkers. And having a reason to get up in the morning.

102.5

102.5, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

....same blog photo, different day.

Yes, thats how sick I've been. So sick that I can't even come up with another idea for a blog photo. Not that it matters - because today was an exact repeat of yesterday, except for the fact that my fever was WORSE today and more consistent than it was yesterday. 102.5? SERIOUSLY?

I mean really. Where the eff did the fever come from?
AND WHY WON'T IT GO AWAY! :(

Tomorrow morning I have a (blah) job interview.
Aaaaand it's my 23rd Birthday.
Aaaaand I could care less about either.

Lovely.

101.7

101.7, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

Out of nowhere, I woke up sick as a dog this morning.

I *NEVER* get fevers. Hardly ever.

Annnnd pretty much my temperature loomed around 101.7 all day. I slept a lot. Drugged myself up a lot. And bitched a lot. I hate feeling like this. As if my birthday week wasn't going to be shitty enough to begin with.

The end.

Best Performance of the Day

Best Performance of the Day, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

And the best performance of the day goes to... Mr. Chloe.

Yes, even the Zurenski Family cat gave a much more entertaining performance than Ms. Spears did on the VMAs today. And all he did was have a love affair with my shoe.

So I spent the afternoon with my favorite Momma Janita & Zurch - Momma made me a ton of her homemade biscottis (which were HEAVEN) and then I had dinner with them. I just love Matt & Melissa's parents. I could honestly sit there and talk to them for hours... especially after being trapped in the house with my family.

I really need a job.

Then I went over to Candi's to watch the VMAs disaster. Thank God I was with Candi all night watching it - or I would have been bored out of my mind. Seriously, WTF was that all about?

It was 2 hours of pure hell... and Britney wasn't even ON for two hours.

"It hurts too much, but life goes on."

It hurts too much, but life goes on., originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

Visited my Pap's grave today for the second time in the (almost) four years that he's been gone. The only other time I've been was that summer after his death - and it upset me so much I haven't been back since. I've avoided it, basically, insisting I couldn't go even when in the past my mom has asked me to take Grandma. It's just too hard and I'm too selfish.

But I went today because... I don't know. I have so much I wish I could say to him, but instead all I could do today was cry. And listen to the same song run through my head over and over again.



Then I took a walk through the gardens near where he was buried. My sister and I used to play there a lot when we were younger and my Pap and Grandma were tending to their parents' graves. They used to go so many times throughout the year - tending to their graves, visiting them. And I've gone twice in four years to his.

I'm sorry, Pap. For so much.

Lesson #323 I Have Yet to Learn

Lesson #323 I Have Yet to Learn, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

...I sort of feel like I'm back at square one again.
Right where I was before I left to go to school in Arizona.

I hate being so unsure of who I am anymore.
And what I want/need out of life to be happy.

Five Reasons I Hate Living at Home

Five Reasons I Hate Living at Home, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

My parents have a bunch of bobble-head dolls decorating the house.

Including not one, but two, George W. Bush talking, bobble-heads. That were given to them as gifts. From "friends." I see those gift-givers as my enemies.

One is an "inspirational" Dubya doll, who recites 'famous' and touching quotes from the president -- basically 9/11ish moments. The other doll has two buttons - one that does inspirational and one that has stupid things he has said.

You can guess which button I prefer to hear more.

Is This Real Life?

Is This Real Life?, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

Tonight, I was at the gas station down the street waiting for my mom's order of lunch meat to be ready.

I couldn't help but overhear the conversation being held at the register - between a late-20s cashier and a 40-something-year-old customer. They were ranting back and forth about how they hear "young kids" wish their lives away... and how they'd give anything to go back to high school, because those are the best days of your life.

I couldn't help but stand there and pray that high school wasn't the best years of my life. I don't even want college to have been the best years of my life -- I'm a firm believer in the best is yet to come.

At least, I used to be. Maybe that cashier used to feel that way too - maybe that customer did as well. Maybe most people used to look forward instead of backwards... but I'm still hopeful. For now.

Big Fish

Big Fish, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

To further my sense of confusion & sadness, I have watched Big Fish two times in the past 24 hours. I first saw the movie when it came out around Christmas 2003. I went with an old friend & coworker from Old Navy, Jess, and we saw that movie just after my Pap had passed away.

The scene in the hospital, near the end of the movie, always brings me to tears. That moment was so raw and fresh to me - being I had just lost my Pap and had been at his bedside hours before he died.

I always watch it hoping to feel better about my view on life - I often see a lot of myself in Edward Bloom - wanting so much from his life when everyone else expect so much, and yet so little. But in the end, I always get caught up in the little moments of the movie and lose myself to my tears.

It's one of my favorite movies of all time.

. . . . . .

Young Ed Bloom: Who is she? Where does she live?
Amos Calloway: Forget it kid, don't waste your time. She's out of your league.
Young Ed Bloom: What do you mean? You don't even know me.
Amos Calloway: Sure I do! You were hot shit back in Hickville, but here in the real world, you got squat! You don't have a plan, you don't have a job, you don't have anything except the clothes on your back. You were a big fish in a small pond, but this here is the ocean and your drownin'. Take my advice, go back to Puddleville; you'll be happy there.

Fog

Fog, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

I got up early this morning to go to the bathroom and couldn't help but notice the thick fog rising above the river.

I also couldn't help but notice how bad my allergies were during the day and how my right eye was swollen shut for most of it.

My solution? Sleep. An insane amount.

Happy Labor Day.

Sense of Belonging

Sense of Community, originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

Today was Community Day in Elrama, which is just down the road from us.

It's the town I grew up in and the town my parents and grandparents were raised in. It's not even a town - so small it's actually "The Village of Elrama." I spent so many summer nights running around that area - my grandparents lived in the center of it and knew everyone in every house it seemed. It's hard to believe it's been almost 11 years since my Grandma died and almost 9 or 10 since my Pap sold the house.

But even small towns change, as was evident by the lack of people I did not know at the picnic today. Just as well. Nothing should ever stay the same. I'm not the same - and I wouldn't want to be the same.

Luckily, this photo is really not the truest representation of my day. Because this day - as horribly confusing and frustrating as it was at times - ended spectacularly. Tonight, I just couldn't do anything to wipe the smile off of my face.

I don't care how long this lasts -
I just know that with him--right now--I am happy.

"If you only get to go around one time -
I'm gonna sit back and try to enjoy the ride."

Once Upon A Time...

Once Upon A Time..., originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

Today, we took the babies & Quinton up to Idewild Park in Ligonier, PA.

The past couple times I've gone to Idewild, I've gone with La's family - which has been a blast. But we were older. It was fun... but not AS fun as it used to be. The park is showing it's age; its a tad rundown. It's definitely not an amusement park for adults or college kids looking to score some excitement.

You know, it's been a really long time since I've seen Idewild the way I USED to see Idewild... through the eyes of children.But that changed today, that's for sure.

I've also never gone before with children I love as much as I would my own. But going there with Gage, Laken, Liam & Quinton... I don't need to tell you again just how much I love those boys.

But because of them, suddenly Idewild was the same, amazing, magical place filled with all the excitement and fantasy that I fell in love with there when I was a kid. Entering the big fairytale book which leads to Story Book Forest - and being greeted by Mother Goose - had never seemed as wonderful as it did today when I saw the faces of Gage and Laken, soaking it all in. They really believed they were meeting THE Mother Goose. And that excitement continued the whole way through the forest - fairytale after fairytale coming to life. You hardly even notice the seemingly-disgruntled college-aged employees, tired after a long summer of playing make-believe in old costumes during humid days. Because thats not what the kids saw.

What they really saw was THE Snow White.
THE Old Woman Who Lived in Her Shoe.
THE Little Red Riding Hood.

And to watch Quinton on the rides - to see how scared he was of the roller coaster, the way I was once scared. How he held onto me so tight, begging me to save him. To see how much he loved just going around in circles on a fake hot air balloon ride... really just made me sit back and think how amazing it is to be a kid.

I really hope they never have to grow up.