"It hurts too much, but life goes on."

It hurts too much, but life goes on., originally uploaded by reasonenoughtocelebrate.

Visited my Pap's grave today for the second time in the (almost) four years that he's been gone. The only other time I've been was that summer after his death - and it upset me so much I haven't been back since. I've avoided it, basically, insisting I couldn't go even when in the past my mom has asked me to take Grandma. It's just too hard and I'm too selfish.

But I went today because... I don't know. I have so much I wish I could say to him, but instead all I could do today was cry. And listen to the same song run through my head over and over again.



Then I took a walk through the gardens near where he was buried. My sister and I used to play there a lot when we were younger and my Pap and Grandma were tending to their parents' graves. They used to go so many times throughout the year - tending to their graves, visiting them. And I've gone twice in four years to his.

I'm sorry, Pap. For so much.