Epilogue: I've Found My Reason

Maybe we're not supposed to be happy.
...Maybe happiness is unattainable. Maybe joy and hope are what we need most.

Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy.
...Maybe gratitude should come from the simple reality that we are alive.

Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is.
...Maybe focusing on our own paths, our own goals - without worrying about our critics.

Appreciating small victories.
...Not crying. Finding direction in an unknown neighborhood. Taking that perfect photo.

Admiring the struggle it takes to simply be human.
...Weight loss. Realizing you were wrong. Overcoming the voices in your head.

Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know.
...The closeness of family, waking up in a warm bed, endless laughter on late nights.

And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know.
...Extreme poverty. Disease. Loss of freedom.

At the end of the day, having the courage to still be standing -
Is reason enough to celebrate."
...We all have our reasons. I know I've found mine.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

One year ago today, I ended my first blog entry with, "Maybe I'll even learn to accept (and embrace) the imperfections of my life." Though, I think that instead of accepting, I am simply learning to look past the flaws, the mistakes, the scars. And focus on the actual joy I deeply feel inside, at times I least expect to find it.

As I've said before - I am not where I planned to be. However, it is the unplanned things that bring us the most unexpected of joys. As I look over this past year, I am amazed at the people who have come and gone in my life. The unexpected love, that has changed me the most.

I now look back on this past year and realize it has been the most amazing gift I could have ever received. This year of being in Pittsburgh has allowed me to not only develop close relationships with my cousins in West Virginia and Ohio -- but allowed me the honor of falling deeply in love with their children. In ways I still can't believe are possible.

So I drove down to West Virginia for the day, a fitting end to the past year. I miss those children so much when I'm not around them after a few days. And it has not been easy so far this calendar year to visit them as much as I did last summer and fall. I work too much... working towards a goal of moving.... but I work too much nonetheless.

That goal of moving? Tentatively February 1st, 2009.
New York, New York.
Keep your fingers crossed.

But until that time comes (oh and if it comes, you can be sure there will be another yearly photo blog to document the journey), I will embrace this time I have been given. Because when that time does come to move away, the greatest challenge I'm sure will be saying goodbye to those boys (and that girl.)

At the end of the day - at the end of this year -
They are my reason enough to celebrate.