Final Bow

So this is it. One year. One year gone before I even realized it was here.

When I think about the fact that I haven't seen Elisa or Kristen or Holly for a year, or that it's been a year since I've felt that insane sense of self that I felt so strongly in Arizona - I am amazed... and scared.

I can't believe how much I miss writing (real writing - writing to inform, writing to persuade, writing to express) and the department I learned so much from. I miss little things about my life from a year ago. I miss Beyond Bread. I miss laughing at the UMart with coworkers (although I have never missed the actual job.) I miss working for the box office on campus and laughing with Marisa & Petra and every other person there. I miss having Anna just a block behind me -- allowing me to go over anytime without hesitation. I remember long lunches on University Blvd with coworkers, and gorgeous backdrops of cacti and the Catalina Mountains. I miss border reporting and feeling challenged by a deadline. Late nights on 4th. Laughing until I can't breathe. Waking up and seeing that endless blue sky. I miss living the dream I had dreamed of for so long.

There are so many things I miss about a year ago. And there are many ways I've changed as well... but I know that you can never go back. Nor should I want to... I just need to hold onto this desire to go forward. Holding onto that desire is key - and learning to be patient is also essential. Perhaps that was the hardest thing to learn this year (and who am I kidding - I'm still learning it.)

As I sat in on our current show playing at the theater (Rabbit Hole), I loved every single moment of it. I loved the relationships and the struggles within them, the humor and the heartache. It was so real in so many ways - how even amongst the most difficult of times, there is still laughter and love. Life doesn't happen the way we expect - but even after the final bow, there is still the echo of applause, the need for more of the same.

But after the show ends, there's always that next performance waiting to be discovered. To see the same show over and over again... no matter how fabulous a production... would serve no purpose. Eventually you would tire of it. Eventually you would want to experience more. Eventually another show must be chosen, another life must be lead. New characters must enter, old favorites must depart.

The only way to truly live, is to bow out with as much grace as possible.
And to constantly be looking towards the next opening night.